1, 2, 3,4...4 1/2... 4 3/4....

The last post got me thinking of another (sort of related) parenting-related topic. Today I was in a store and I heard a child apparently being disobedient, and the mom was telling him/her that they'd better do such-and-such right now. She then began to count... 1, 2 (slight pause)...3 (longer pause)...4... and then repeated the instruction again, and so on. I'm sure you've heard it, or said it, yourself. I'm not judging that mom - goodness knows that, though I don't count, my method is just to keep repeating myself, or threaten things that I may or may not follow through with...same difference.

However, it reminded me of a lesson I heard in a parenting class we took at church on the importance of requiring first-time obedience. That means that I, as a parent, give an instruction once and require it of my children to obey quickly and completely. I remember some of the other parents thinking this was harsh, and they felt it was more gracious to the child to give them some 'wiggle-room' - some time, such as counting to 5, before they were forced to act on the instruction. While there are all the standard explanations (which are very good) as to why this is probably not the best line of thinking - like if my child is headed into a dangerous situation and I tell them to "stop", that I want them to do it immediately - there was one comment that stopped me in my tracks. Someone leading the class pointed out that when we count, we are still teaching something, and still requiring obedience (that is, if we actually follow through), we are just teaching them it's OK to delay the obedience. It's OK to do things in their time, as opposed to when we, the parent, tell them. Then this question was raised (and this is what really stuck with my heart) - when God tells them to do something, is HE going to count for them? Or do we want them to learn to do things in GOD's time?

Interesting thought. While God is certainly a gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and his mercies are new every morning...couldn't we usually save ourselves a boatload of trouble if we'd just obey - the first time??

eschatology and parenting???

We are going through a study on 'end times' right now in our small group. It's very interesting, and a somewhat different viewpoint than the one I was raised on. Growing up, I assumed that what I had been taught was THE correct thing, until I began learning about different eschatologies (end-time doctrines), and found that, while I didn't necessarily agree with all the different things I heard/read, I felt that they at least had valid points, and certainly I could understand where they were coming from. For me, someone's doctrinal stance on the "End of the Age" isn't one of those fundamentals of the faith worth dividing over; rather, it's something that I believe there is room for differing opinions, and people who are earnestly seeking God's truth (and also looking to build up one another in love - this is key) can have some very thought provoking and challenging conversations about such matters. I would also note that there are some notable people that I really respect, several of which would come out differently on their viewpoint.

However, tonight something I came away with, personally, was a strong encouragement to "keep on" in my endeavors as a Christian parent. The funny thing is that the teacher didn't touch on parenting at all. (And while the focus of this post doesn't have anything to do with which doctrinal view point we're studying, let's just suffice it to say that the spurring on in me was not a result of some fear that my kiddos might get "Left Behind".)

No, not at all. Rather, as the discussion turned to the implications of what these things mean for us personally, and how any of this affects my life now, what came to my mind was that, no matter your viewpoint, as Christians we must be daily growing closer to God, and not only hearing His voice, but learning to obey in a timely manner. How do you learn something like that? I believe it's much easier to obey God quickly and completely, when we first know how to obey earthly authority in the same manner. This becomes very practical to me as a mom, and puts into perspective how very vital it is for me to teach my children to obey - the first time.

This is something I really struggle with. It really is my own laziness that gets me into the rut of threatening or repeatedly scolding my kids (which drives me crazy, yet it's totally my fault!); it's really because I don't really feel like the implications of dealing with the problem. Maybe I'm in the middle of something and don't want to stop and take the time to discipline; maybe I don't want to hear the whining that will result from taking away Webkinz; maybe I don't feel like coming up with creative things for the kids to do while I shower if I ground them from the TV!

Whatever the case, it's something I want to work on, not just so my life is easier, but so that my children will learn to be quickly responsive (which, side-note, that's the meaning of "Bryce" - quickly responsive), not only to me, but to their Heavenly Father. If their response to me when I tell them to go somewhere or do something is to hesitate, think about whether they feel like it or not, and then argue with me about if they really have to do it or not, why would their response to God be any different when He asks something of them? See, sometimes I lose sight of the fact that parenting isn't just about getting a desired behavior, it's about training the heart, shaping attitudes. That's really the long-term goal. So when I allow my children to be disrespectful, I'm allowing that weed to take root in their heart. When I tolerate them telling me what the 'program' is going to be, I'm really doing them a disservice, and making it harder for them to have a soft and open heart to receiving God's will for them. I'm allowing them to cultivate their own fleshly desires.

This may all sound pretty intense and heavy, and you might be thinking "lighten up, they're just kids!", but it really helps me to "keep up the fight" on a day-to-day basis, in the small things, when I think about the fact that my main job as a parent is to lead my precious little gifts back to the Father and help to cultivate His plans for their lives. Then, in the moment that I'm tempted to overlook that temper tantrum, and mutter to myself, "it doesn't really matter", I can remember that yes, even this day, this episode matters. This is the training ground for them to fulfill their destiny.

Suddenly, as I ponder this, I feel like mothering is a hugely important job again!! Yeah!! It had really been one of those days! You know, the kind where I'm trying to Google where you go to resign from this job, or relocate or something... Who would've thought that God would use my end times study to give me new perspective on the daily grind of mothering? He's so faithful to meet us where we're at, and give us what we need.

The Great Casserole War

Ugh...tonight was a rough night at the Clemmer house.

I guess you could say I threw down a gauntlet. I made a casserole (horrors!!) Let's just say that Bryce is a picky eater, who does NOT like his food mixed together, OR have any kind of 'sauce' on it, OR have cheese in it - all of which the 'Country Chicken and Biscuits' that I made tonight had. After an hour and a half at the dinner table, and much weeping and gnashing of teeth, he finally managed to get down enough of it to be released. (Kate, Todd & I loved it the meal. The other two boys initially announced that they did NOT like it, before tasting it, then changed their minds after the first bite or two, and said it was pretty good. Then after watching Bryce carry on so, they decided to revert back to the original conclusion...but it was too late. They had already given away the truth, so they had to eat most of it as well. Sheesh!!)

My philosophy (pre-Bryce) was that I was not going to be one of 'those' parents who catered to a picky eater - let them get away with not eating, or worse yet, made something different for them! Hee hee...isn't it funny how we are all parenting experts - UNTIL WE HAVE KIDS!! Then all bets are off! We still stick with making our kids try at least a few bites of stuff, and even eat things they don't like, with a few exceptions. (For instance, Bryce HATES potatoes in most forms - other than chips, french fries or hash browns. It used to be such an issue that when he was younger he would wake up every day from his nap crying, asking (with fear and trepidation) if we were having potatoes for supper. To me, that kind of trauma was just unnecessary - especially for a food with so little nutritional value!) But we try to make the policy that they eat - or at least try - most things. (Note: I don't hold to this in public because it's just not worth it. I prefer to choose my battles wisely, but keep the most brutal ones to the confines of our home. We don't allow rudeness, but neither do we push things that we know they won't like. The kids are not allowed to ask for something different...if they choose not to eat what's served, then it's their choice to be hungry. If it's a better option to them to be hungry rather than eat something they don't like, so be it. But at least we avoid making an uncomfortable - for everyone - scene.) But I've found myself dreading meal planning and preparation just because of his responses. So I've sort of strengthened my resolve that he's old enough to just start dealing with more things, and I'm going to expand my meal repetoire.

I have to admit, I'm bracing myself for some big battles, but still hoping for the best. I think it might help to keep having discussions prior to the actual meal so Bryce can know and understand my resolve in this. I think he got a glimpse of it tonight, while he was gagging and starting to act like he might puke, when I stared him down, eye-to-eye, and informed him that if he chose to throw up, that he would also be cleaning it up...that I would NOT clean up one bit of it - he would do it all. Interesting...it stopped the gagging fairly quickly (though not immediately...I did get a bit nervous that he might cause us all to lose our supper before this battle was over!). I had trouble keeping my anger in check, and had to walk away from the table once and let Todd deal with him because I was about to lose my cool.

When I tucked him in bed tonight, after all the tears were dried and he had some time to play 'army' with his brothers, I informed him that I was going to be making more 'different' foods, and not just making things that he liked all the time. I told him that he was going to just learn to deal with it, and eat things, even that he might not love, and that we would not be having more mealtimes like tonight. He gave me a resigned "OK", and though I could tell he obviously wasn't thrilled, most of the 'fight' was out of him. I've seen so many changes in him in the past few years, and he's grown in so many ways, that I have great hopes that this will be another learning/growing experience that he will be able to take on and get through.

I'll keep you updated from the front lines...

he'll always be my baby

Time sure flies, doesn't it? This is what I was doing 3 years ago yesterday...



And this is him today. Three years already! I think my baby is officially not a baby anymore. :(

Which means - I guess I'm out of the baby years of parenting! How exciting and sad, all at the same time.