Thursday, October 25, 2012

I gotta be me

They say "opposites attract", and my dear husband and I surely do fit that stereotype. 

I have a friend, who is similar to Todd in several ways, and I always joke with her about how she and Todd are both 'good'...and I'm...well...not.

By good, I mean several things...Todd is very bent on doing things 'right'.  And to him, all the right things seem to come so simply.  "Why don't you stack the dishes very neatly in the sink, or better yet, let's keep the dishwasher empty and put them right in there?"  Sure, to a 'good' person, this makes total and complete sense...and it's even easy.  Second nature!  "Why don't you just input your receipts as soon as you get home from making a purchase, and the budget will always stay up to date?"  Of course!  Duh!  But, to my not-good self, this is a torturous, not to mention insurmountable task.  Todd sees things as black and white, right or wrong, good or bad.  And, as much as I hate to admit it, he is nearly.always.right. 

Honestly, it's part of why I married him.  I'm no fool, nor am I blind to my own self.  I know what I need...I need someone to bring balance, stability and....well, 'good'ness to my life!!  We've often talked about how I was attracted to him because of his stability and he to my 'fun'.  We both want and need what the other has. 

But there are also sometimes that "I gotta be me". 

I really do try to be 'good' most of the time, mostly because, it's the mature, responsible, adult thing to do.  (Like I said, he's usually right...)  However, there are just some times that I have to be able to let loose and just let the inner crazy, immature, wild-child side of me out. 

Now, before we get too carried away, let me just say I was never really a wild child by any means.  To most people, from the outside, I was a complete goody-goody.  But in the straight-laced, conservative environment in which I was raised, my inner desires, if not always my actual actions, pushed the limits.  I was raised in a no dancing, no drinking, no card playing kind of way.  And frankly, I have enjoyed (well within reason) all of those activities once I got the freedom to be on my own.  I'm not a big subscriber to "there might be abuse, so avoid use"!!  I am much more inclined to think...just be responsible, know the truth of what you believe (as in, for me personally, the Bible being my guidelines to behavior, so, know what it actually says)...and live accordingly.

Thankfully for me, I am fully convinced that God is a God of beauty, creativity and, dare I say it...FUN.  I think God not only is 'okay with' dancing...He endorses it.  He created all sorts of things for no other purpose than to look pretty (i.e., sunsets).  And He himself established all sorts of holidays and fesitvals.  I'm pretty sure he's down with having a good time.

And so am I.  But all this mature, responsible, adult stuff can just naturally have a way of taking a toll on that side of me.  Not saying that this side never comes out...sure, there are lots of times that we have utterly silly, ridiculous conversations around the dinner table, or my daughter and I break out some really awkwardly bad dance moves in the living room.  But most of the time, that's short lived because reality hits that there's dishes to be cleared, homework to be done, laundry to be folded, etc., etc.  And it takes a toll.

I'm in one of those seasons that I just really need a couple of hours...or just kick back and have fun.  Not worry about problems; not give good advice.  Not have to appear mature and responsible to anyone.  To just be free to be me.  I literally, almost physically crave that kind of time right now.

Thankfully, it is coming.   In exactly one month, my wonderfully-right-but-also-needs-to-cut-loose-a-bit husband and I will be getting away for 2 whole days for our 20th anniversary.  I was hoping for a big trip, but that dream seems to be fading quickly with each passing day, so I'm gonna focus on the 2 glorious, responsibility free days that are in the near future.

And hopefully, in the even nearer future will be a really good date night.  I'm almost banking on that one.  Want to know why?  Because I think it produces very good results when you make this statement to your husband...

"My wild-side needs some attention."



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