I really hate bathing suit season. Really. This year, I'm in particular angst over my weight, mainly because my hubby is doing so stinkin' well on his diet! The man has lost 15 pounds in a month...he has been dedicated, disciplined and is looking great. And I really am proud of him. And, I have to admit, he's done it all in the face of, shall we say, a less-than-enthusiastic wife. I have groused and had a bad attitude about his diet, pretty much from day one because of (selfishly, I know, I know) the effect it has on me...in the areas of meal-planning, budgeting, and general healthy lifestyle...all areas of particular struggle for me. And now, on top of it all, I feel guilty. And fat. And pressured to do something about it.
Now, I will admit, without getting into all the personal details, that there has been some tension that bubbled up into 'intense fellowship' (as we so fondly call a really good fight)...and I am willing to concede that we both have legitimate points in our not seeing eye to eye on the topic of food, weight and health. But we are working on finding some common ground. But this is a tough subject, because really, it isn't just a 'project'; when it comes to reaching and maintaining healthy weight, you're really talking about a lifestyle, and (for us) some changes that need to be made. Changes that require discipline. I am really, REALLY not good at discipline.
And it not only involves eating...I think I'm gonna have to exercise too. Ugh. At least this part I've already started. I've been doing a mile on the treadmill, some exercises using my fitness ball and a little bit of weight training. (And by little bit, I mean *little*...only a few minutes worth...and the really pathetic part is that it is kicking.my.butt.) You may remember that last year I tried Jillian Michael's "30 Day Shred"...all that did for me was shred my problem arches til I practically couldn't walk. So I'm trying to try to figure out what works for me...i.e. - is low impact enough for my feet to survive.
However, since I am realizing this can't just be a 'jump in on the spur of the moment and expect lasting changes' kind of thing...at least for me...I am trying to think through, not only what I need to do, but the reasons that make those things so hard for me to begin with, and how I can start dealing with those roots issues. What I've discovered is that they are pretty lame...and I'm kinda shallow when it comes to all this 'healthy' stuff.
I am lazy. I am cheap. (I'm sorry, but healthy eating costs more. It just does.) I am busy. I despise sweat. (Mainly because sweat involves taking up more time...showering is fine, but having to wash and deal with my long hair is not only a pain, it takes time. Time I'm not yet convinced I want to invest.) I hate calculating (or anything remotely involving math). And...I LOVE food. I want to enjoy it. It relaxes me. I want to gather my family and friends around it. It releases massive doses of endorphins that make me super-happy. And the food I'm referring to generally is not green, organic, raw or healthy in any way. It's happy-food. If I have to combine counting with food, it robs it of the pleasure it brings me. Thus...I'm waging a war with myself on whether or not I can really handle moving away from it. (Does this make me a food addict???)
I'm trying to use the idea of going somewhere that will require me to wear a swimsuit in front of people (one of the many reasons I hate public pools...sorry kids) as motivation... (FYI, today, it's really not working) But we'll see... It's honestly really too early to call the victor of this battle... but I'll keep ya posted. Maybe. If it goes well and I don't feel like a failure. Or I won't. Who knows. Time will tell! ;)
So, assuming not everyone is like my more healthy, crunchy, 'I-love-fitness-and-organic' friends (who I love dearly and could only wish to be more like)...what is it you battle when it comes to healthy lifestyle? PLEASE tell me I'm not alone here...!!!