Thursday, February 2, 2012

the perfect storm

So the Kenya trip happened, and went off without any major hitches. My guys and the rest of the team really enjoyed the trip.

Things on the homefront...well, they didn't go quite so smoothly.  Which is why there has continued to be a lack of blogging.  I am learning lots, I can say that.  I'm experiencing new things...not all of them such good things, though I can trust that in the end, God can use them for good.

I'm not normally prone to depression...though, it does run in  my family...and I, for a long time thought that maybe my genes managed to sneak under the radar for picking up those tendencies.  Apparently, not.  Apparently, under the right conditions for a 'perfect storm' I too can crack and go a little wonky.  Or a lot wonky.  And yeah...I ran headlong into that perfect storm.  I'm still navigating the waters.


But I'm believing that, because I have an awesome God, an amazing husband, and a wonderful community of people surrounding me that this will be a short detour in my journey.  I have no intentions to camp out here.  I also am trying to force myself to go against the flow of stigma and negativity that would tell me I'm a terrible person or leader for what I am going through, that I'm disqualified or flawed, and that I should go hide what I am experiencing.  Thus this post.  It's not really that I want to advertise the struggle I find myself in...but what I do want to do is disarm it as much as possible.  And I do want others who might be struggling to know that it's okay not to hide.  And life's a journey...and this is sometimes part of it.  Not a cool, fun part.  But a part.  And a part that, if handled well, can bring growth and life, not only to myself, but also to others.  I want to handle it well.

So...there it is.  Not pretty, just real.

4 comments:

Zoanna said...

Good for you for posting. It is a very common problem and sometimes passes quickly. Dont let your relationships get ruined though by rage tho. I suffered too long before meds thinking i was above it as a Christian. Satan has a field day with this illness if you let him. I aam sorry you are experiencing this. Most difficult but most important simple truth to cling to is God loves you.
No matter what.

Kristine said...

I love it that you can be real :)

Zoanna said...

BTW, I love your blog header design. So pretty!

Andrea said...

I love your honesty and your faith to stand strong. Hope to see you soon!