Wednesday, May 27, 2009

all good things...

It seems that my days as a homeschool mom are coming to end. And I don't just mean for the summer. Todd & I have been wrestling with the decision about whether or not to continue homeschooling next year, or to put the kids in school. And if we go with the school option, what school?

It's been a very tough decision. One that I've invested prayers and tears in. One that has forced me to look past my fears, face my insecurities and areas of failure and/or lack, and trust God to show us what's best for this season for our kids, each individually for where they are at, as well as us as a family.

This process has led us to the decision to go with the option of school. Nothing is set for sure, but we are moving towards enrolling the boys in our local public elementary school, and Kaitlyn in a local Christian school (where she attended for her early elementary years). The boys are slightly nervous, but mostly excited. We felt like the time was right to take advantage of their excitement and not wait til fear moved in. As for Kate...well, she's putting up a bit of a fight, though seems to be slowly accepting the change. She is the one we felt most needed to be pushed out of her comfort zone to continue to grow, not only academically, but on spiritual and social levels as well. (Not that she isn't 'socialized' - the problem is actually the opposite...she's highly social and being part of a very small church plant, with very few people her age, just isn't providing enough outlets for her.)

So, I am about to enter (or, at least in the fall) a completely new territory. 3 kids in school, only 1 preschooler at home... I spent a good part of the last 24 hours crying. Tears of sadness for a season ending; tears of relief for coming out from a time of being completely overwhelmed and burned out; tears of fear of the unknown; tears of having to face the facts of inevitable life changes.

I'm thinking this summer is going to be very bittersweet. Really can't continue to say any more in this post, as the waterworks has finally died down for now and I don't want to restart it!!


Nathan Desch Photography said...

im excited for this new chapter for you guys! ill be praying though. i know change isn't easy. love u

zz said...

I can safely say I have walked in your mocassins. We homeschooled for 15 years and in the 14th I was burning out. I was too proud and fearful to entertain my husband's and boys' thoughts of changing ways.
But I can say, once the decision was made and I got out my many cries, I started to embrace the change and even came to enjoy seeing my kids mature in ways they couldn't under the Mother Hovercraft. It was especially helpful for my sons. God bless you. I have sensed you needing a change for a while and I'm sure you'll eventually thank God for the decision if you haven't been able to see past the waterworks yet.

Aunt Linda said...

Jess, I don't think you'll be sorry. It's never easy to send your kids out the door to school, but a lot of us have done it...just not after having homeschooled. I'm glad the boys are excited about it, I think Kate will be excited once she gets there, and you will no longer be pushed to the edge on a daily basis. Praying for you.