The past few weeks God has seemingly brought up a recurring theme to me. It is that of the idea that God has confidence in us. Not that we just have faith in Him, but that He has faith in us.
(Now, for those of you 'thinkers' among us, who fear I might be taking a theological left-hand turn, don't worry; I 'get' that God having faith in us is really just having faith in His own ability to work His will in and through us...I know; but for application sake, just go with me, okay?)
This idea was mentioned first in a book I'm reading, and again in a Louie Giglio video we watched this weekend. I think God is trying to hit home with me the thought that whatever He asks or expects of me, He does so only because He is confident that I am capable of it. Now that thought makes me chuckle. Because right now, I'm am feeling totally incompetent on so many levels. I am doubting that I can, or even want to, do the things that God has called me to. On occasion (though I'm getting better about not letting myself go here) I even ponder whether or not He actually ever did call me. In my head, I can rationalize the unreasonableness of that, as He has confirmed things to us many times over, but it feels like it would be such an easy 'out' to say, "You know, I think we just heard wrong. Made a mistake. Oops. Well...it was a good run, but..." However, I know that those are the very thoughts that I must take captive and bring into obedience to God's plan. But don't you ever just want to hang on the "what ifs" sometimes and think how life might be different if you could change things that you really can't? Yeah, I don't recommend doing that...
Anyway, the author of the book I'm in posed a very interesting question that has stuck with me. If you are familiar with the story of Peter walking on the water, you may know that he was very bold at first, hopping out of that boat at Jesus' bidding and walking straight towards the Lord. However, in very short order he got freaked out and began to sink. Here's the question: Who did Peter doubt that caused him to start sinking? If you read the story, it wasn't Jesus...he called out "Lord, save me!" when he started goin' down. It was himself. He realized, "Hey, I'm just Peter, and I DON'T WALK ON WATER!!!!"
That's kind of where I'm at right now. Sort of up-and-down, confident then totally discouraged. But God is faithful to keep bringing me back to what He wants me to hear. (Sometimes I still fight, because what He's saying isn't necessarily what I want to hear, but that's a totally different issue!) I just need to keep reminding myself - and hopefully this encourages you - that whatever He calls me to, He gives me the grace and the tools and the ability to accomplish. He has full confidence that I can do it. Imagine that!