I've often wrestled with choosing my battles when it comes to parenting. I came into this whole parenting deal with high expectations of what was and was not acceptable behavior. And, of course, I expected full compliance on every detail from my children. (Uh, yeah...doesn't that just smack of wet-behind-the-ears-new-parent-pride to all you veteran parents who are years farther down the road than me??) Tonight I was pondering the difference between rebellious behavior and childish behavior. I began to think that if I were able to clearly discern between the two, it would probably help to lower my stress level in the area of discipline.
What I believe God brought to my mind was that, at this point in life (especially in relation to my very young children, much moreso than Kate, who is all-too-quickly approaching her teen years, and thus we are dealing on an even deeper level) I want to be directing their hearts toward God, and a fairly easy way to break down behaviors with that goal in mind is to keep in mind what Jesus said in Matthew 22:
36 "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" 37 Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
This helped me in thinking that while there are behaviors in my children that can be frustrating or annoying, many of them are just them being children. Things like carrying on at the dinner table, giggling after the lights have been turned out, getting out of bed for a drink...those types of things, are things that I will continue to try to correct, but really at this point are not issues rooted in sin in their hearts. However, issues like blatant disrespect, lying or hurting others are things that are probably flowing out of something going on in their hearts that really needs to be addressed. I am more concerned with heart issues because those are the things that will cause rifts between them and God or them and other people. (Case in point - while it is appalling to me to find my boys making farting noises with their armpits in public, I doubt it is really grieving the heart of God).
Did you ever wonder what Jesus was like as a small boy? Todd & I have talked about this before. We can tend to think that it must have been a breeze for Mary to raise this perfect child, right? But think about it - Jesus had to be potty trained. Yup...fully God, but fully Man meant he didn't come out knowing everything. If he did, he wouldn't have been fully man. He had to learn what was socially acceptable. There's a difference between perfect and innocent, you know. Children can do something at 2 that is socially unacceptable or impolite, but because they are 2 we know it's not that they had ill-intentions, but rather they haven't learned yet. The same child doing the same thing at 12 can be a sinful act of rebellion, because now they have the knowledge needed to make such decisions. Big difference.
And so, all this to remind myself and to encourage others... Aren't we glad the Father is patient with us? Aren't we glad He allows us to journey through this life, learning and growing as we go? My mindset simply must shift from parenting to produce well-behaved children, to parenting to demonstrate the Father's heart.
Mmmm....right. Gotta remember that tomorrow when I am tempted to scream through clenched teeth at my energy-filled boys for the 100th time to please settle down and stop wrestling in the living room!!!
6 comments:
Interesting- that mirrors what we were talking about in staff meeting at school yesterday... One teacher even pointed out that, while she as a teacher is tempted to correct childrens' every poor choice (even if its not a big deal), she is reminded that no one is punishing her for every false move... so she should recognize the grace she gets (from God and others) and give grace to the kids instead of correcting their every move. She wasn't saying we shouldn't discipline of course, just drawing a comparison to how much grace we get and how much we expect from our kids. She was actually my 6th grade teacher... I think she is you're age, Jess... wierd ;)
Weird question, but I came across your Christmas gift post looking for the unicorn keychain...can you tell me where your husband got it from? Thanks so much!
Sure Tricia - my priceless unicorn treasure came from none other than Wal-Mart!! Happy unicorn hunting!
As a word of encouragement - now this is coming from a mom with only one boy - but at least your boys have each other to horse around with! They don't have to spend hours chasing the dog around the house screaming while the dog is barking!
It's hard enough to get one boy to stop carrying on, but add a black lab into the mix and look out!
Wow, this was good - especially after DAYS unending of rain and drizzle and soaked, saturated yards. Thanks for sharing your thoughts - in all three of these recent posts. . . .
You're so good for me....
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