Wednesday, October 19, 2011

it's just life...

Hey there!!  Yes, I am still here...but life's been pretty much like this lately...

This morning I had big plans to do all kinds of running and working and general craziness.  But the strangest thing happened...  When I woke up to the sound of steady rain on the roof, I couldn't for the life of me remember what I needed to go running (as in errands, NOT as in with my legs...I avoid that at all costs!) for!!  And, in my estimation, if I couldn't even remember what it was, it surely couldn't be that important!  Later, after some thought (and some coffee) I did remember what I was supposed to be doing (at least in part) and decided it simply wasn't worth it.  I've been 'running' from one thing to the next for days...weeks in fact.  All stuff that has needed, rightfully, to get done, take priority.  But at some point, I just needed to stop and regroup.  Today was the day.  The rain was just enough encouragement to stay inside and 'catch up'.

And until I sat here this morning, catching up on my way-long and unread blogroll, I didn't realize how much of my home (and home life!) has gone so neglected!  It's been weeks since I've been able to give a thought to making home a priority, or enjoyed it, or taken time to feel inspired.  Blogging (or even blog-reading) has definitely fallen off the radar, almost completely.  I didn't even realize how much I missed it all until today.  As I sit here looking around at the piles of laundry (at least it's clean and folded, right?), the unswept floors, the dust-covered candles (because there's been no time to light and enjoy them) and lack of general homy-ness, I'm sad.

But it's also made me realize a few things that I've been questioning the past few weeks/months.  Like, whether or not I should look for a(nother) 'job'.  Um...I can tell you now, that would be a resounding "no".  Putting 30-40 hours into church stuff right now (which I have to keep reminding myself, even a largely-volunteer job is still a job!), and keeping up with my kids ever-growing interests/gifts/activities (yeah, it's called 'parenting', I know), as well as trying desperately to deal with issues associated with being a grown up with responsibilities, like budgets and home-ownership (and not exactly doing stellar at it, by the way) has more than taken up all of my time.  Cooking and housework has definitely taken a back-burner.  Which is actually costly in the sense of having a calmer, saner family AND killer on the budget when I'm too busy zooming around each day to cook any kind of decent meals and we end up grabbing pizza or some other junk on the fly.)  I keep telling myself, it's a season...but I also have this little nagging feeling in the back of my mind that if we don't take control of it all, and intentionally direct it, what is a 'season' somehow turns into a 'lifestyle'.  A lifestyle I don't want, and I want to do something about it before I'm at the tail-end of it.

I guess I basically said the same thing in my last post...but I'm still at the same, my apologies for repeating myself.  Apparently I needed to hear it again.  :)

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