hope

As I sit tonight, listening to the rain, and the quiet in the house, I am in a much better place than even 24 hours ago. I had the opportunity to talk with two of my best friends today about the changes and plans on my horizon, and I am feeling very good about them. Rather than seeing loss, I am beginning to see possibilities.

I had been asked several months ago to write 2 devotionals for a book that is being compiled, and I have put it off. I felt like I had no clue what to say, and writing had pretty much lost its appeal for me. However, I feel a sense of peace settling in my heart regarding our decisions and the directional changes in our future. I feel renewed hope and some real refreshment coming. I think I will begin to enjoy things again. I am hopeful. Tonight I was able to sit down and write those two entries in no time. And it felt good.

I think I might become a person again!

all good things...

It seems that my days as a homeschool mom are coming to end. And I don't just mean for the summer. Todd & I have been wrestling with the decision about whether or not to continue homeschooling next year, or to put the kids in school. And if we go with the school option, what school?

It's been a very tough decision. One that I've invested prayers and tears in. One that has forced me to look past my fears, face my insecurities and areas of failure and/or lack, and trust God to show us what's best for this season for our kids, each individually for where they are at, as well as us as a family.

This process has led us to the decision to go with the option of school. Nothing is set for sure, but we are moving towards enrolling the boys in our local public elementary school, and Kaitlyn in a local Christian school (where she attended for her early elementary years). The boys are slightly nervous, but mostly excited. We felt like the time was right to take advantage of their excitement and not wait til fear moved in. As for Kate...well, she's putting up a bit of a fight, though seems to be slowly accepting the change. She is the one we felt most needed to be pushed out of her comfort zone to continue to grow, not only academically, but on spiritual and social levels as well. (Not that she isn't 'socialized' - the problem is actually the opposite...she's highly social and being part of a very small church plant, with very few people her age, just isn't providing enough outlets for her.)

So, I am about to enter (or, at least in the fall) a completely new territory. 3 kids in school, only 1 preschooler at home... I spent a good part of the last 24 hours crying. Tears of sadness for a season ending; tears of relief for coming out from a time of being completely overwhelmed and burned out; tears of fear of the unknown; tears of having to face the facts of inevitable life changes.

I'm thinking this summer is going to be very bittersweet. Really can't continue to say any more in this post, as the waterworks has finally died down for now and I don't want to restart it!!

the urge to purge

Why does one project always result in another??? I had decided to do a bit of 'purging' this weekend and have a yard sale. Just had a bunch of stuff that needed to be gotten rid of, so I figured, why not try to at least make a little bit of money before just taking it all to Goodwill? Well, the 'urge to purge' spread to really wanting to clean out ANYTHING excess in the house...including taking the opportunity to get rid of some old Home Interiors decor that is completely outdated and no longer my 'style'.

Well...do you know what happens when you take down a picture that has been in place for 3 years??? You realize how utterly filthy the wall is. And when you try to just 'wipe' away the dirt lines from around the picture, you SMEAR the dirt that is actually covering the entire wall! So, what started out as just putting out a few things for a yard sale has led to a desire to redecorate which has led to a need for a thorough spring cleaning. Not exactly what I bargained for...but obviously something that needs to be done anyway.

It kind of reminds me of that childrens' book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie...". Maybe I'll write a new version..."If You Let Jessi Have a Yard Sale...". Just kidding...I'm not looking for any more new projects!!!!

Star Wars meets modern technology

While the kids were with Grammy and Grandpop this weekend, they got to go to a large yardsale, where they found a few treasures. They were so excited...especially the boys about their Star Wars actions figures!! (They are VERY into Star Wars right now...apparently a 'rite of passage' for all young boys, some of whom never grow out of it!)

Yesterday morning Luke came in to wake us up, very excited to show us his toy. "Mom!" he said. "Look at my MP-3PO!!!!". What a hoot! There's definitely a bit of a generational gap going on here...he just cannot seem to process that it's "C-3PO", because MP3 is so embedded into his brain!

keepin' it real

As some of you may or may not know, I'm currently doing a ministry training school. The format of it is weekend intensives (intense being the key word here!); they are Friday night til 9:30, then Saturday all day from 8:30am to 9:00pm. Rather than driving back and forth (it's about an hour away) someone who lives close by graciously offered me their guestroom. This weekend it just happened to work out (thanks to Todd's parents taking the kids and my sister Livie dog-sitting!!) that Todd is coming along. He actually will audit tonight's sessions, but then stay at our host home tomorrow (the hosts will be away all day) for some time of prayer and personal retreat that is LONG overdue for him.

You may be wondering where the "Keeping it Real" part is in all this. Well, I'm getting to that now... I am really glad that it's all worked out for Todd to get some refreshment time in this weekend. However, what started in my head as an easy plan turned quite entangled at some point. I spent today flying around like a one-armed paper hanger, trying to get laundry done, baseball uniforms and equipment gathered (Grandpop is making sure they get to their game tomorrow), overnight bags packed, dog paraphenalia gathered, and on top off it all, leave the house in some semblance of order because my dear in-laws will be returning the children here tomorrow night and I don't want them to be horrified by a hairy (again, compliments of Maggie) cluttered, disaster of a house. So far, I would say it's semi-cleaned up. Well, maybe 'picked-up' would be a better term than 'cleaned-up' - I still see Maggie fur floating on the dining room floor as I type. At some point, though, I decided enough is enough...I have to stop worrying about it, and get on with making sure I'm ready to leave on time, so as not to start the weekend off with a cranky, even-more-stressed hubby! So, I'm deciding to take the sting out of my 'dirty little secret' and just 'out' myself so I stop thinking about it... I have several loads of laundry, clean, but ran out of time to fold, piled on my bed. They're staying there. Kate swept around Maggie's cage area downstairs, but we ran out of time for the upstairs. AND, there are a few pans soaking in my sink that didn't fit in the dishwasher. THERE... I'm not getting it done, everyone now knows it, and oh, well. I feel better. Now....one thing I DO have to get done...my assignment that is due for tonight's class!!! ;)

Have a lovely weekend everyone!!

books!!!

I was pleasantly surprised this morning when Seth opened the front door and announced there were packages for me! The boxes were from Zondervan, but I couldn't remember ordering anything recently. After quickly tearing into them, I excitedly pulled out three very interesting-looking books, and a letter stating these were the first installment of books that I agreed to read and do blog reviews for for Zondervan. I signed up for this program a few months back, but in the meantime, it slipped my mind! The timing of their arrival is just perfect as we are winding down with school, and I'm eagerly anticipating some free time to lose myself in reading anyway! So, just giving you a 'heads-up' to be watching for my upcoming reviews of these books:

my biggest regret in life

Remember when I thought I wanted a dog? Why, oh, why didn't you people say "Nooooo!!! Don't do it!!!! Run AWAY from the puppies!!!!!" Today, I am regretting so very, VERY much ever deciding to add this beast to our family. These pics aren't even from today...it was just that today I remembered that I no longer have the freedom to just make plans for the weekend without factoring in this, this... thing.

what do you do?

I read this tonight on a blog I frequent (Reston Mom - see the sidebar if you'd like to check it out!), and that blogger got it from another...so I'm guessing it's okay to post here. Loved, LOVED this!!

When Tony Campolo was a professor at the University of Pennsylvania, his wife was a stay-at-home mom. At faculty functions, she'd invariably get asked what she did and she'd say she was a full-time mom. The reaction was always the same. She felt patronized by the intelligentsia so she redefined her role.

One night at one of the events someone asked her what she did and she said, "I am socializing two Homo Sapiens in the dominant values of the Judeo-Christian tradition in order that they might be instruments for the transformation of the social order into the teleologically prescribed utopia inherent in the eschaton."

She paused a moment and then asked, "And what is it that you do?"

more...in living color

A few more pics that I love... Our friend (and wedding photographer) Nathan Desch took some really cool/fun shots for us. If you know anyone looking for a photographer, he does pretty amazing work... (and if you check out the website, I gotta say...several of the bouquet shots you'll see there are Buds in Blossoms creations! Not all of them, mind you...but several. I'm a little bit proud of our work...sorry for that blatant adverstising. Ok, no, I'm really not...)

Me and my man...

Sisters...My friends...I love these ladies...

The kids...grown up enough to sit at a table all by themselves...

And these last two are probably my very most favorite so far. (My boys and my nephews all wore "chucks" as their wedding footwear. Love it!)

Completely unposed...just my guys being themselves. It's kinda funny how much of each of their true personalities this shot depicts...
Now that I'm in picture mode, I think I might do a whole post of it's own on some Buds in Blossoms creations of late. But I'll spare you, and give a few days 'breather' in the barage of photographs appearing on this blog...

wedding day

I can't believe it's been a week since my mom's wedding, and I haven't posted any pics yet! Well, actually that's because I didn't have any! So, I have now swiped some from other people's Facebook pages (thanks!) to share with you. I have to say, the whole process of my mom getting remarried has been a very complicated, emotional one for me. But through it all, I have gotten to know Bob (my mom's new husband) - who is very nice, and I am pleased to see really cares for my kids, and they are responding well to him, and beginning to build relationship. Truly, my mom couldn't have looked any happier or more radiant on her wedding day, and that is a wonderful blessing, for which I am grateful. I am still processing through another phase of missing and grieving for my daddy, but I have come to understand and accept that it is normal, and even healthy, to allow myself to do that, in my own time and my own way.

As for the wedding day... it went as smoothly as any I've ever seen, and everyone looked great and had a lot of fun. The kids, of course, stole the show, coming in second only to my mom's glow.

On a funny note...Lukey made it down the aisle between Joelle and Eva, scowling and glaring and practically dragging the girls along. He had determined the night before, at practice, that everyone was laughing at him. I assured him they were not, that they just thought he was cute, to which he responded "No I'm not!!". Bryce heard this exchange and quickly jumped in to inform me that boys do not want to be thought of as "cute". Trying to make amends for causing such an offense, I quickly told Lucas that people were really smiling because they thought Ellie and Eva were cute. To this he replied, "Then I don't want to walk with them." Well, I told him he just had to, and he complied, but he made sure he shot daggers from his eyes at anyone who might have implied the dreaded "cuteness" by smiling at him!

Anyway, here are some pics, and I'm sure I'll be posting more...

Luke and his bestest friend Ellie

Not sure why we all look cranky here...we really weren't!!

The whole gang...
Does this crew look like trouble or what?!?!

Timez Attack

I have found an absolute treasure that I thought some of you might like to know about. It is a multiplication video game, called 'Timez Attack' (by Big Brainz), that Bryce is absolutely loving! Our school suggested it, and you can download the 'base' version of it for free. I did that, and figured we'd try it and see how Bryce liked it, and see if it actually seemed to help him with his facts. Well, he LOVED the game...the graphics are pretty amazing...and I did notice an improvement with his recall. So I was sold. Today I paid the $40 to upload the full version, which basically gives you more 'levels' which, for Bryce, kept him engaged longer. I actually had to make him get off and do something else. It has also intrigued Seth and he is actually asking to play, which - great!! He can get a year or two jump on learning multiplication! Don't see a downside to that...

Anyway, if you're interested here's the link. If you have any kids learning multiplication who like video games, this will most definitely be something you'll want to check out!!

I don't know how to start this post, but I just thought it would be weird not to say anything at all about the fact that my mom is getting remarried tomorrow. I tried to think of some clever saying, some witty way to address a highly emotional topic, but short of the old Forrest Gump, "Life is like a box of chocolates...", I got nothin'. So I'll just keep it short and to the point...my dad passed away almost 3 years ago. It's been hard on all of us, obviously my mom most of all. She deserves to be happy again, and she says she is, so for that I am glad. And I like weddings...we felt very pleased with how the flower arrangements turned out that we did yesterday, and we have fun music planned for the reception - and have been practicing the Cha-Cha Slide and Cupid Shuffle with the kids. I expect that we'll have a blast there! I went tanning, am getting my hair done, and get to wear a pretty dress. And get to see lots of family that I haven't for a while. So all of that is really good.

Under all that surface stuff...well, I'm just praying it all stays just that...under the surface. I'd appreciate any of your prayers as well. Such changes are hard for me. That's all I will say about that. Hope to have some lovely pictures to post here soon!!