Tuesday, February 19, 2008

getting myself out of the way

We've started really working on putting together our plans for Koinonia's coffee shop, and while it's a TON of work, it's also been very fun, interesting and I'm learning lots. While we don't have any idea when it will become a reality, I've felt God impressing us to just begin getting ready - preparing all the stuff that we need to ahead of time - so that when He provides Divine opportunities, connections and open doors we will be ready to move. I felt very strongly last night that He was telling me that fully bathing this venture in prayer is a million times more important than putting together any business plan.

But even more than that, God has been speaking to my heart that everything - coffee shop plans, hopes for the church, my family - must be born out of prayer. As I've been reading about Moses and the people of Israel moving from place to place, following God in the form of a pillar of smoke by day, and fire at night, my heart cry has increasingly become "God, don't let us move an inch without your Spirit, your Presence, going with us and guiding us".

It's oh, soooo easy for me to get caught up in ideas - planning, brainstorming, etc. - always trying to find the thing that is going to 'work' or 'make it happen'. My personality is a 'starter' - I love to come up with ideas and set them in motion; I'm not so good at long-term stuff. I like to see results. But God is teaching me how to press in to Him, to be consistent in 'knocking' and asking for those things that He has given us vision for. And I must admit, it's not the easiest thing for me...like I said, I'm a mover...I like to get things done. The thing is, I must be renewed in my mind to realize that prayer IS getting things done - it's just things that I cannot usually see with my physical eyes.

In my mind, I sort of equate it to strength training...I can go strong for a little while, but the I peter out, and get somewhat sidetracked, fall back into my old modes. But I am so thankful for God's patience, and that He knows that my heart is saying "Yes!", but sometimes it takes a while for that 'yes' to kick in with the rest of me!

In all of the uncertainty of church planting, business starting, etc., my prayer is simply becoming more and more "not my will, but yours Lord".