enjoy today

God has been revealing a lot of things to me about myself lately. I must say, most of them are not pretty. But one thing that I've tried to keep very present in my mind throughout the day-to-day 'stuff' is that I need to learn to enjoy where I'm at. See, I'm the type of person who always wants to get to the 'next' thing. I couldn't wait to get married, have babies, buy a house, etc., etc. And often, I now realize, I missed out on fully enjoying where I was at at the time. Don't misunderstand, I don't have a lot 'regrets' per se; I don't wish I was single longer, or waited longer to have kids...but often I didn't experience the full joy I could have in my situation. I always thought that whatever 'problem' my situation presented would go away when 'whatever' changed. But I'm learning that the 'next' thing always has its own set of problems. It dawned on me a few months ago - what if I'm at the end of my 'nexts'?? I'm not having any more babies (unless God decides on a miracle...), I don't know if we'll ever move again...and there's a lot of years until my kids graduate! It seemed all of a sudden like all there was in the near future was a lot of the daily grind. Then I realized - the daily grind is called LIFE!! And I want to enjoy it! Kaitlyn turned 11 yesterday, and I can't believe it! Where has the time gone? It seems like only yesterday that Luke was born - and now he's talking, running, trying desperately to play football with his big brothers. My baby isn't very 'baby-ish' any more. But they are so much fun (well, a lot of the time, anyway) and I'm beginning to realize that all too quickly these days will be gone. I'm such a 'mover' (always wanting to move to the next thing) that I realize, I spend all week looking forward to the weekend. I've bemoaned so often my 'want' for a building for Koinonia House that I haven't taken the time to fully appreciate that someone is sharing their building with us for free!! Without that generosity, I don't know where we'd be right now. What a blessing! And I could very easily have missed it. But thankfully, God has chosen to grab hold of me and say "Slow down girl! Enjoy today!!" I'm not always successful at enjoying every day, but I am trying to focus on the good - find at least ONE thing in what may have been a really crappy day, and be thankful for it, remember it, ponder it - ENJOY it!!

pappy is 'hipping'

I believe God reveals things to children. Some of the things my kids have said at different times leads me to think there is no other conclusion than that God himself revealed this to their open little hearts. The other night when I put Luke to bed, as I was tucking him in, he said "Pappy's home." I know he understands Pappy is gone, because he has said many times "Luke miss Pappy" and then he tells me again that Pappy used to tickle his feet. And we smile. But the other night, it was a totally new thing for him to say "Pappy's home". I said to him "You know where Pappy is, right?" to which he responded "Up God". Right, I told him. Then he put his little arm in the air and said "Pappy hipping" (which in Luke-an-ese 'hipping' is "worshipping"). I asked him "Did you say Pappy is worshipping?" He said "uh-huh...Allllll night". Wow. Yep, I would imagine Pappy is 'hipping' all night. But Luke probably has an understanding of this that I could never have conveyed to him...frankly, never even tried. But he was happy to go to sleep that night with the peaceful assurance that his Pappy is in Jesus' presence, doing what you do there.

The Kingdom belongs to such as these.

Mom my Ride

Hey look...my van - on TV!!

let's hear it for the boy

The song "Let's Hear It for the Boy" was one of the songs on 'Dancing with the Stars' last night. It's old, so I know I'm showing my age here, especially for those of you who don't even know the song I'm referring to, (I was only 11 myself when the song came out), but it's stuck in my head, and all day I've been thinking this is how I feel about my hubby (at least most of it applies...he's actually a pretty good singer...), so I'm posting the lyrics as my 'Tribute to Todd' today.

Let's hear it for the boy

My baby, he don't talk sweet, he ain't got much to say
But he loves me, loves me, loves me, I know that he loves me anyway
And maybe he don't dress fine but I don't really mind
'Cause every time he pulls me near I just wanna cheer

Let's hear it for the boy, let's give the boy a hand
Let's hear it for my baby, you know you gotta understand, oh oh oh
Maybe he's no Romeo but he's my loving one-man show, oh woh woh woh
Let's hear it for the boy

My baby may not be rich, he's watching every dime
But he loves me, loves me, loves me, we always have a real good time
And maybe he sings off-key but that's alright by me, yeah
'Cause what he does, he does so well, makes me wanna yell

Let's hear it for the boy, ah, let's give the boy a hand
Let's hear it for my baby, you know you gotta understand, oh oh oh
Maybe he's no Romeo but he's my loving one-man show, oh woh woh woh
Let's hear it for the boy

deep thoughts

I've been reading an interesting book (I actually started it months ago, but put in down while I read and taught on a different book, but I'm back into this one now) called 'A Generous Orthodoxy' by Brian McClaren. I would say it is stretching me. I'm not sure yet how I feel about some of what he says, but I found the below paragraph (which is actually a quote from Chesterton's 'Orthodoxy') really clicked with me in the sense of feeling that we can't understand or explain or teach all of God. He is not able to be fully comprehended by our finite minds. Isn't that exciting? There is always an unexplored aspect of Him for us to journey through. Always. It's incomprehensible.

"Imagination does not breed insanity. Exactly what does breed insanity is reason. Poets do not go mad; but chess players do...Perhaps the strongest case of all is this: that only one great English poet ever went mad, Cowper. And he was definitely driven made by logi, by the ugly and alien logic of predestination. Poetry was not the disease, but the medicine...He was damned by John Calvin...Poetry is sane because if floats easily in an infinite sea; reason seeks to cross the infinite sea, and so make it finite. The result is mental exhaustion...The poet only asks to get his head into the heavens. It is the logician who seeks to get the heavens into his head. And it is his head that splits...The madman is not the man who has lot his reason. The madman is the man who has lost everything except his reason...Materialists and madmen never have doutbs...Mysticism keeps men sane. As long has you have the mystery you have health; when you destroy mystery you create morbidity."

i hate laundry!

I really hate folding laundry. I don't mind sorting it, putting it in the washer, transferring to the dryer, but for some reason, I DREAD folding it and putting it away! It sits in baskets in our bedroom til I finally can't stand walking around it any more (about once a week I get really annoyed at my mess and finally clean it up - in between I'm a 'piler' - piles of books, papers, jewelry, and other random things clutter my dresser). I guess today's the day. I'm sick of digging through the laundry baskets for clothes. I'd rather blog and surf the net all day, searching random things, but alas, 'real life' must go on - and real life at my house includes a LOT of laundry. Does anyone else let random things pile up while you procrastinate (even though it's really not a hard job, just a dreaded one)? Or am I just a really bad housewife??? (Which is truly a real possibility...)

the stromboli

Last night the weirdest, kind of freakiest thing happened. After church we ordered pizza and stromboli from Ice House Deli, as is our Sunday custom, (it's the only pizza joint open late around here, and we never have time to eat dinner BEFORE church...) and while I'm enjoying my piece of stromboli, something CRUNCHES very hard, very loud in my mouth. At first I thought it wierd, but chalked it up to - I dunno - a peppercorn or something. Except when the person sitting next to me heard it keep grinding, like chewing sand, it was a bit more disconcerting. Then, when Todd got his piece, he proclaimed that his had a piece of GLASS in it!! Sure enough, there was a piece of glass about the size of my pinky nail. Then I freaked (only mildly, though) at the thought of what chewed up glass would do to my insides!! Well, it's been 24 hours, and nothing drastic has happened, so I guess I'm ok. We called the pizza place, and they said they'd "do whatever we wanted", which, in my opinion should have at least been a $50 gift cert or something, but since we aren't pushy people, and were actually calling out of concern that others might experience the same thing, didn't 'take-them-for-all-they-were-worth'! We are, however, at least getting a free stromboli. (woo-hoo) But frankly, we're not too excited about ordering from there again soon. (Then again, it's not Sunday night and my belly isn't growling...)

new shoes!

All the kids were in need of new shoes, so tonight we decided to bite the bulletin and take them all at once to get shoes. It was going to be a fun family event - shoe shopping!! It's really funny to see the different criteria each kid has for the shoes they want. Bryce, of course, has to only have something 'cool' and it became very apparent that if I suggested it, it pretty much was NOT cool. So Todd sent me off to work with a different kid while he waited out Bryce inspecting every pair in his size. Seth on the other hand is much more practical. He wanted something that didn't tie; apparently he gets sick of waiting for someone to tie his shoes for him. I guess it's slowing him down to much to have to wait for help anytime he's ready to bolt out the door (which seems to be for the boys any time the weather is above 40 degrees). He also was concerned about how they felt - just like the battle we have daily about what shirt to wear, because tags in the back drive him nuts, and so out of a whole drawer of shirts, there seem to be about 4 he can actually wear (according to him). Kaitlyn was unsatisfied with anything at the two stores we checked because nothing was practical, yet 'girly' enough for her tastes. (To quote her "Mom, remember I'm a girly-girl..."). So, Kate is still in search of 'just the right pair'. (To be continued tomorrow...) Last but not least, Luke realized very quickly that everyone was getting shoes, and so he wanted to make sure he got a piece of the action too. He was much easier than the others. As long as he got to take off his old shoes, run up the aisle and back with a new pair on, he was happy as a clam.

Final decisions - Bryce lucked out cuz we found a pair of Sketchers on sale (a good sale too, or it would have been a trip to Wal-Mart for him tomorrow) and Seth went with the 'Cars' pair - complete with Lightning McQueen and the velcro top closure is the shape of the 'Piston Cup' (final selling point) - for those of you familiar with Pixar's latest. Lukey took the first pair that fit him, and were on sale. As for Kate...the search continues tomorrow. Maybe by Sunday we'll have a pic of them all modeling their latest footwear fashions.

more pics

ok, this might be a bit overboard, but I so love these pics that our friend Chrissy Faust (free advertising...) did, that I just had to post a few more...I figured those of you who don't get to see the kids often might enjoy them (and I might be a slightly proud mom... I'm allowed, right??)

i love my family!!

For my new blogosphere friends, and other friends who just enjoy pics, here's some of my adorable fam...

full house

It's so weird to try to see myself through my kids eyes. They sometimes act like they think I'm ancient...and I feel so young! They seem to continually be amazed by all the things the world had "back when Mom was a kid"! (One time Kate asked me if we traveled in covered wagons when I was little. Good gracious!) But we seem to have found some common ground...in the form of the old TV show "Full House". You remember - The Tanner family - and the unforgettable "Uncle Jesse" - what pre-teen didn't swoon over him? Anyway, Kate got a season of Full House for Christmas and they all seem to love it - a show they ALL agree on? Will wonders never cease! Of course, when I was watching it, it was cool, and now it's funny and 'retro' to them, but that's ok - it gets them all to happily sit together for 20 minutes (there's no commercials on the DVD version of the show), and maybe I can actually get dinner made with no one crying or climbing my legs! I'll take it! Who knows - maybe that 'pouf' hairstyle will actually make a comeback (although I pray not...)

the flu!

Boy, I am happy to be back! I haven't been able to do much of anything, least of all blogging, since last Friday when I started with the flu. The good 'ol fashioned, (kind they now give shots for), influenza. The worst of it was probably Saturday night when my fever was 103 - don't recollect ever having a fever that high before. Anyway, Todd told someone he knew how sick I was when the kids were yelling & screaming & wrestling right beside me on the floor and I slept right through it. Yep, I was down for the count through Monday. Tuesday I started to feel better, but was pretty much done for by lunchtime. Today is the first day that I might (jury is still out since it's only 1:30) make it through without a nap. So far, so good. Then there's all the stuff to play catch up on. Oh well. It reminds me, yet again, all those things that I think HAVE to be done or the world will crash in or something...well, if it's bad enough, even those things wait. Anyway, it feels good to be getting back to myself again.

new song

New song I'm working on; I know it's kind of lacking without the music, but...



Do you see me sitting here
Alone in my fear
Do my tears make a sound
As they fall to the ground
Can You hear my heart's cry

When you see all of me
Bitter, broken and unclean
Will you run away from me
Or will you stay (no one stays)
Can You hear my heart's cry

I long to be seen
I long to be heard
I long to be loved
I need to feel Your touch
Can You hear my heart's cry

Do I matter to you
Are You the One to pull me through
Can my mind be renewed
Lord, I ask You again
Can You hear my heart's cry