rattling around in my head...

Some random things that I'm thinking about:

• Light the Night, our Halloween-alternative outreach event, is coming up this Wednesday!!
• On Monday Kate & I are heading to American Girl Place in NYC with another DOVE pastor's wife and daughter that we've become friends with. We've been trying to make this trip happen for over a year now!!! Kate's so excited... I'm looking forward to some fun girl-time!
• So much to process from the training weekend we just finished...my head is spinning!! Can't wait to start using what I've learned... so STEP RIGHT UP!! - who wants to be first to start dealing with their 'issues'?!? :o)
• I'm really excited about an opportunity I have that came out of the blue... I was asked to be one of only 8 people to help edit Larry Kreider's new book due out next year entitled "Speak Lord, I'm Listening: How to Hear God's Voice Above the Noise".
  
• I'm considering looking into the Christian Writers' Guild... an organization that helps aspiring writers through mentoring, correspondence courses, seminars, etc. to pursue my interest in writing. Since you're apparently reading this, I'll consider you my reader...what do you think? Should I start on this path, or quit while I'm ahead?
• My 15th anniversary is next month (HOLY COW! 15 years!!) I want to do something really special, but am trying to keep the costs low. I'm checking out my options for a get-away, but figure if I have to be really resourceful, I could do something at home, as long as we can 'farm-out' the kids for a weekend. (That thought isn't even all that appealing at the moment after just being away from them for the better part of 2 weekends in a row!! But I'm sure by the end of next month, we'll all be up for a fun weekend break). I'll have to be creative, but I think I can come up with SOMEthing.... :o)
• It's nice having one of my best friends 'back'...
• Work on my mom's house - crazy, but going. God provided money this weekend, and it looks like it will cover the cost of the repairs that we needed to make. He is so faithful!
• Hopefully since I got all these thoughts out of my head I'll be able to go to SLEEP!!!

G'night!

God is bigger than the boogie-man...

I was just reading on another blog a question that a mom had posted about how to help children deal with being afraid of the dark. It got me thinking about this, and so I thought I'd post my response here for anyone who might find this topic one you can relate to. (And from my perspective, keep in mind that we all deal with fears, so some of this might be applicable even for you 'big kids'!) OK, here's what's been running through my mind as I ponder this topic...for what it's worth.

One thing that my mom did with me from a very young age was this when I would struggle with 'bad dreams' - she would have me sleep with my Bible. Now, keep in mind, she had me learning my verses for Bible Club every week by the age of 2. (My sis found my baby book in Mom's attic the other week and rolled her eyes and made fun of me for being a 'prodigy' when she read that at the age of 2 I could recite all the books of the Bible from Genesis to Revelation, and also that I said my memory verse every week. All kidding aside, it really had little to do with my intelligence, and more to do with her diligence. Actually, her singing verses to me to help me learn them, and then reciting them at Bible Club is probably one of my earliest memories. Thanks mom!) Anyway, getting back to the original topic - she would have me sleep with my Bible so that as I drifted to sleep, and in the event I awoke afraid, I would have a very tangible reminder of the promises of God that He was always with me, I had nothing to fear, that He had given angels 'charge over me', etc. Also, she reminded me that the Word of God was my sword - my weapon to deal with anything that was scary or evil. I could use it to remember, meditate on, even speak out loud those promises that she was so diligent instilling in me. I heard somewhere (though I still have to verify this) that God says "Do not fear" 365 times in the Bible. Does that number jump out at you? Seems to me, that's one for every day of the year!

Another thought would be to investigate where the fear is coming from - did something happen that triggered it - whether it be a sudden fear of the dark, or a bout with bad dreams, etc. A few months after my dad died my 5 year old began crying uncontrollably in his sleep. Often he was not even awake, and didn't necessarily remember the incident in the morning, though sometimes he did wake and still was unable to tell us what was wrong. We prayed with him, had him pray himself, yet these bouts continued. One morning I took him out for breakfast by himself and was able to get him to begin talking about how he was dealing with losing Pappy. While on the surface he seemed to be doing OK, this particular conversation revealed that he was wrestling with being terrified that he would go to sleep at night and awake to me being gone. It was definitely an "ah-hah!" moment. My dad died in the middle of the night...so he had gone to bed having Pappy here and woke up with him gone forever. Pretty traumatic for anyone, but especially a 5-year old. When we were able to talk and pray about that specific issue, the night crying stopped. I've heard of many people being able to pinpoint a specific event or circumstance in their life, usually in childhood, that introduced an ongoing battle with some kind of fear. When that 'monster' can be effectively dealt with, the effects can be quite releasing in many areas.

I know there are all sorts of things that I've heard of parents trying to help kids overcome fears, from 'monster spray' to flash lights to sleeping with mom and dad. I'm not saying they are bad, or even that I wouldn't try some of them myself (I regularly awake to find a little guy curled up next to me and don't know when or how he got there!). But I hope that God helps me to keep remembering that when it comes to raising my kids, I'm trying to not only deal with a situation, but that I am equipping them for life. I could just give my little guy a flash light, but at some point in his life he will be afraid of something that a flash light just won't cut it for. My desire is for him to have the tools to deal with anything that comes his way, and above all, he must know that it's only with Jesus as his strength and guide that he truly CAN face any fear.

don't go there...

We've spent the past 2 days (and another tomorrow) at a conference giving us ministry 'tools' to help people (and ourselves) deal with issues in their life - looking at personal sin and/or the hurts that caused the issue(and dealing with those through repentance/forgiveness), how to recognize ungodly beliefs that we might hold (and operate out of) and how to replace those beliefs with the truth of God's word. (By this I mean - for instance - I might believe that God doesn't want to be bothered with the little details of my life, so it hinders me from praying. I need to replace that with the truth that scripture tells me to "cast all my cares on Him" because He cares for me - that kind of thing). It's all great information in being able to help people deal with things that consistently trip them up in life, as well as helping to see myself and some of my struggles in a healthier perspective.

Of course, we have an enemy who really will be hindered if I actually learn to implement this stuff... Surprisingly enough, Todd & I almost got into a fight last night (well, maybe a little more than almost, but it didn't come to fisticuffs :) ), and tonight I came home to some e-mails that started to get me riled up and wanting to take offense at things in regards to other christians and other churches. Hmmm....any chance someone is trying to distract me? Thankfully, God gave me an extra shot of grace (tired as I am) to recognize in a somewhat timely manner the scheme in operation and I brought myself up short to NOT GO THERE!!!

an attitude adjustment

I'm amazed to look back over the past 2 years or so and see the changes that God has brought about in me and my life. Some of them have been excruciating, some long and drawn out, but I feel like I am finally seeing some fruit. I am preparing to go through a training seminar weekend, and the main thrust is on helping people work through and deal with personal issues. So one of the things we have to do is identify and deal with some of our own issues. I was so encouraged as I am in the process of 'taking inventory' of myself that some things that have had me hung up in ruts for years I have finally had breakthrough in. I am no longer plagued by some of the 'old tapes' playing in my head of past situations, hurts and attitudes.

It's something I haven't really thought about much recently, but over the past year or so, I spent some intense time praying through (along with a few close friends) some personal hurts, etc. that I've needed to release to God and allow Him to heal. To be completely honest, I was even skeptical that it would 'work' - I sort of had the mindset that these events had partially shaped who I was and would be something I would always carry with me. I expected that I would always respond to situations the way I did, simply because it had become part of 'me'. But in reflecting back on these things, I began realizing today that situations I am currently in, both with my mom's house and other things going on, would have definitely 'stirred the pot' of these past issues and in the past I would be reacting much differently. Don't get me wrong - I've been somewhat stressed and feeling overly busy, but in the midst of the crazy swirl of life, I can honestly say I have peace. It's almost something I can't describe, other than to say that in the very core of my being, I am quiet - settled. I could be completely freaking out, crying and biting the heads off of everyone around me, but strangely enough - I'm not. I'm really OK! In the past, going through times like these would often result in daily arguments between Todd & me, just-below-the-surface seething and resentment towards others, as well as a host of other nasty things.

In some ways I feel like I'm looking at myself from outside and wondering - who is that?? It is with surprise that I say (oh me of little faith) - "Oh, that's me - in the transformation process!" Isn't God GOOD?? I know, as demonstrated by the years of 'bad fruit' that these changes are certainly nothing of myself, but a good, loving and healing God who is faithful to hear the cry of His children. I am a living testament (even though I was skeptical) that with God, all things are possible - including (maybe most difficult of all?) - attitude adjustments!!

post script...

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention one HUGE answer to prayer...my mom got a job, and started last Friday! It looks like there's also an apartment for her that seems good, but of course, we need to have the house situation resolved first.

Hope to have something of more substance to post soon!

and the beat goes on...

Thanks to those of you who've been thinking of me, praying for me and asking how things are going. The prospective buyer for my mom's house who we thought might buy it 'as-is' didn't take it, so we are in the throws of doing lots of repairs. We are completely remodeling the kitchen, as well as doing other drywalling, spackling, painting, etc. I'd appreciate any prayers about the whole thing - we are trying to do as much work as we can, as quickly as we can so we can get it listed, and then we need a buyer!!

We went from all the wedding hub-bub of last weekend, into the house situation this week, had a conference we had to attend on Friday & Saturday, have another training conference we are attending on Thurs through Saturday this coming weekend...somewhere in there we are doing school, work, and trying to remember to sleep and breath!! I have to say, my husband has been more than understanding, helpful and generous with me. Anything that isn't an absolute necessity has been getting neglected - (like folding clean laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, etc.) We've consumed more pizza in the last 2 weeks than I care to admit. And one other thing - I couldn't be doing any of this or getting through all the craziness without my precious sister. We work so well together; alone I feel like I can't complete my thoughts and ideas. We often say we share a brain. It seems like together we can tackle about anything, so I'm so grateful that we are in all this together.

While it's been an extremely stressful time (I've had pain in my shoulders for going on 2 weeks straight; it did relax for about a day around Tuesday, but returned on Wed or Thurs again) it's been completely bearable being in it with those who love me and that I love most!! I'm so blessed to have wonderful, caring, helpful family and friends. Of the many things I am feeling, alone is definitely NOT one of them!

returning to normal?

It was a CRAZY busy week and weekend; one of my best friends got married. It was a wonderful day and she was a picture perfect bride! I hope to at least get some pics posted, but for now, just checking in to say I'm still alive and hope to get back to the blog world soon!

I keep waiting for things to settle down and get back to 'normal' in my life...I'm beginning to wonder if I have to just accept that this IS the new normal!?!?

a mom moment

Angels, aren't they?

I have the most wonderful, beautiful, healthy children. They are each unique in their talents, their personalities, and they each bring their own ray of sunshine to my life. They are priceless treasures; a blessing from God's own hand. I cannot imagine my life with out them.

But today, I wish I could run FAR, FAR AWAY FROM THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

one step at a time

I'm amazed, but we got mostly everything cleaned out of my mom's house that she isn't planning on keeping, and had it done by 11 pm on Saturday night. It was physically, and at times, emotionally hard work, but it's done. At least, phase one of this process is anyway. We had a prospective buyer come thru tonight, and we haven't listed it yet, it would be a private sale. Kinda long story, and I'm too tired to tell it, but a friend-of-a-friend type deal, this guy might be interested (and it seemed tonight like he was) in buying it WITHOUT us doing any repairs. He buys investment properties and keeps them as rentals. He seems very willing to work with us in any way that will help mom out. We haven't, however, talked any money yet, and as with most things, that's where the rubber will really hit the road. We need a certain amount just to cover the mortgage, plus, because of mom's situation, we really need her to be able to walk away with some cash in hand too.

We've also started the apartment hunting process. We are praying that God will provide something not just affordable, but where my mom will truly feel comfortable, safe and at home. This is all so much change, and I know it's so hard for her. I wish I could do something to make it better, easier, but really there's not, other than pray. But I believe in prayer, and I know it's a loving Father that has gotten us through the past year, when we couldn't imagine how to go on from such a point, and so I know He is going to carry her, and us all, through this season too.

It seems there are several possibilities on the horizon, but it's impossible to know which, if any, will work out, what will be best, and what Mom will like or want to do. It's up and down, and I feel hopeful, but tentative...almost afraid to hope, all at the same time. Aren't emotions such a weird, uncontainable thing? It baffles me how it's possible to feel two completely opposite things at the same time...

Anyway, thank you so much for all the prayers, concern and even the financial support that some of you have sent. I cannot adequately express how grateful we are, and how loved we feel in the midst of this difficult time.

prayer needed

In trying to get all the prayer we can, I thought I'd post a copy of the e-mail I sent out to family and friends this morning for anyone who has become my 'blog friend' that I might not have an e-mail for, or might not even really know! Thanks for standing with me and my family.

Dear Family & Friends,

Just wanted to ask you all to join us in prayer for the situation we are currently heading into. Mom has made it through the ‘year of firsts’ rather well, both emotionally, as well as surviving financially by God’s provision for her through the help of others, selling Dad’s truck, and her being able to have a a lot of overtime hours at H&R Block during tax season last year. Those hours also provided unemployment up until now, which has been enough to get by. She has been looking for work, although needing to find something that pays more than $10 or $11/hour, as taking something lesser would have provided less income than her unemployment had, up til now. In any case, nothing secretarial has opened up and, despite submitting several resumes on a near-daily basis, no jobs have turned up. Mom has now decided to sell the house, both because the cost of keeping it would be too great, as well as all the extra stresses of the repairs, upkeep, taxes, etc. The hope with this is for her to be able to broaden her horizons for a job to include things not as high paying or stressful that she could do in the in-between months of her tax job, as well as not have to worry about such high heating costs, utilities, repairs, etc.

This brings me to the prayer part… the whole process of getting the house ready for sale and putting it on the market is a rather huge undertaking. We are having to look at downsizing, making repairs (as we can), listing it, and praying for a buyer willing to pay enough to hopefully not just cover the mortgage, but give her something to walk away with to help supplement her costs. We are asking for prayer for those things, as well as for financial provision in the meantime, as she is now looking at a tax bill due the end of October, as well as the normal bills that will incur until the house is sold, plus whatever we have to put into repairs. We are also asking for anyone who might have connections to ways we can get very cheap (free would be even better!!) materials for the repairs, and/or know-how to help us.

This whole deal is, as I’m sure you can imagine, extremely emotional and draining for all of us, most of all mom, and I can’t accurately express how much we would appreciate your prayers and support as we walk through this next difficult phase. Also, I just wanted to say thank you again to all of you for being so supportive through the past year since Dad died. Looking back, a year ago we couldn’t have imagined making it to this point, and we know it’s only been by God’s grace we’ve made it. We love you all.

Love,

Jessi (for Mom (Carol), Livie, Betsy & the whole gang)

kickin' into overdrive!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just wanted to put up a post saying I might be disappearing for a bit...not sure (maybe I'll need to unload on here, so maybe I won't, but just in case...); I'm going into a bit of a time crunch. My mom has decided she needs to sell her house, and because of circumstances, not only, but including desperate financial need, it needs to happen as soon as possible. And there's a LOT that needs to get done to make that happen. The whole situation is difficult, emotional and draining for all of us, so I'd GREATLY appreciate all your prayers. Some of you will be getting an e-mail in the next few days filling you in a bit more, but for now, I just wanted to throw out there that I (and my family in general) is in need of much prayer coverage.

Of course, this comes as Todd and I are preparing to do a wedding in less than 2 weeks - only our 2nd ever. (No pressure). And it's for very close personal friends, so of course we want it to be absolutely perfect (again, no pressure). So you could throw one up about that too!

Then, of course, there's the whole fact that I have to be a mom, care for my family, teach school to my children, etc., etc. - those things called 'normal life' - that have to fit in as well.

Sooooo..... should be fun!!!

connecting

So last Saturday night, Koinonia House did an 'outreach night'. Did you notice I didn't say 'event'? It was not an event. We just encouraged everyone to begin cultivating a mindset of reaching out...doing things that we might not normally do, or simply connecting purposely with people that are either different than ourselves, or outside our normal circle of friends. Rather than doing the same thing we do every week, spending Saturday night doing...well, whatever it is we would normally do, to be in a place that we are intentionally asking God to give us connections, or use us in some way in that place. We had some people hang out at a local pizza shop, and their intent is to actually have their cell group begin meeting there on a regular basis. One small group spent the evening in the local park, and came across a homeless man who they spent the evening with - took him to eat, talked with him, got together some more food to leave with him, and gave him a Bible. The man kept talking about really wanting a beer. The one guy who gave him the Bible told him that he'd check back with him, and if he (the homeless man) had read the book of John, and could tell him about it, he'd take him to get a beer. Other people just made a point of hanging out with some people from work who they know do not know God. While all this was going on, a few of us got together to pray for those who were out.

I felt really good about the night, feeling like we had probably made more real connections with people than if we had done a big fancy event in the park, where tons of people show up and we don't connect on a deeper, personal level with anyone. This, to me, is much more what outreach is about. Don't get me wrong, events are great, and we are still planning to do a "Light the Night" event on Halloween. Last year our neighborhood and others who came really enjoyed it and asked if we'd do it again this year. It was a great way to simply bless people without expecting anything in return, and it was an opportunity to plant some seeds (we handed out cool comic books that presented the gospel, as well as some other fun 'tracts' for kids), but all in all, we didn't go below the surface with anyone. Which is ok too, I'm just realizing we need to cultivate both, by in my opinion, the emphasis is on the relational stuff.

outreach night

Such a full weekend. After seeing Kate perform her colonial dances (see post below) we had about the best 'outreach' event we've done at Koinonia House. It didn't take hours and hours of planning, and didn't make a big dent in the church budget. Wanna know how we did it? We simply did SOMETHING - went somewhere, got together with some people - that was outside our normal 'circles'. We prayed about stretching ourselves out of our comfort zone and reaching out to people that might not know God, or needed ministry, or go hang out at a place and be aware of the people around us. Some people did this in small groups, some individually. At the same time, some of us gathered to pray for those that were 'out and about'. We heard very exciting stories come out of this evening (that I will share soon) and it really excited us. I'll post more about this great weekend tomorrow, but for now, I must hit the sack!