I have been reading an excellent book on prayer...specifically unanswered prayer. The book itself has had a profound impact on me, and joins the list of my absolute favorite books, such as Captivating and a few (very few) others that have left a permanent mark on my thinking.
God is using this to show me many, many things about myself - the true reality of what's inside me and how I live. I have gotten so frustrated with different situations in my life that I've been ready to give up, walk away (from the situations), feeling like God isn't listening and has no interest in helping me. In actuality, God has been leveling some pretty heavy-duty revelations my way. Much of what seems like unanswered prayer or maddening silence is really an in-depth work in process, and also, some answers are being revealed that are not exactly what I would hope they would be. As I process all of these things, and as Todd and I were talking them out the other day, we came to this conclusion...we need to get saved! That's right...we need a born-again, conversion experience! Now don't misunderstand...I'm not saying we haven't experienced this already, but the state we are currently in leaves us looking at so many things we need to change, and feeling completely powerless to do so. We know all of these changes can only come from a true change of heart, and frankly, we just can't muster it up. Isn't that exactly the state we are in when we first come to Jesus? In need of a complete heart overhaul, and not one that comes out of anything within our own power. All we can do is offer our hard, headed-in-the-wrong direction hearts and ask God to replace them - convert us. And that's the spot I find myself in now. So if I truly believe that God can take the hardest heart of a complete unbeliever and make all things about that person new, can't I also believe the same for myself? We can, as Christians, tend to float along in life thinking, 'been there, done that, I'm good to go...' and we don't take time to really reflect on how (or IF) our lives line up with our beliefs. I've been doing just that in the past few weeks, and find that I'm coming up extremely lacking. So, step one...humble myself before a life-changing God and ask Him to take all this mess and make something new, good and fresh out of it.
In the next few posts I will attempt to share with you the things God has been revealing to my heart and mind. Warning: consider this 'confession time' - and some of it's not pretty.