Ani Ma'amin

Ani Ma'amin

I believe in the sun even when it isn't shining.
I believe in love even when I am alone.
I believe in God even when He is silent.

(Graffiti found in 1945 on the wall of a basement in Koln, Germany, where a Jewish believer is thought to have been hiding from the Gestapo.)

This was printed on the first page of a new book I just got called 'God on Mute: Engaging the Silence of Unanswered Prayer'. Can't wait to get into it.

Ratatouille & Jesus in the Temple

Tonight was a good night. We took the kids to see 'Ratatouille' at the 'cheap' theater in Boyertown (only $3 a ticket!). The movie was ok; gotta admit I was sort of disappointed. I had very high expectations because I've LOVED all the other Pixar movies. So tonight's flick wasn't bad, it just didn't meet my expectations. But it was a milestone in the sense that we were able to take ALL the kids and they made it through the entire movie without any crying or other major snafus. This was a first!

When we got home the kids were getting ready for bed and Bryce told me he wanted to read a little bit before he went to bed. While I should have been happy that he wanted to read of his own initiative, I was rather suspicious that it was just a ploy to stay up a little longer. I asked what he wanted to read and he held up his Bible. OK, what kind of mother would actually tell her son he wasn't allowed to read his Bible before bed?? So I consented; I figured either he really wanted to and that in itself was a wonderful thing, or he'd end up getting frustrated at wrestling with some big words and it would soon be done anyway. (Oh me of little faith, huh?) Anyway, I sat down with him, Seth and Lukey laying with us on the floor to listen, and he read a few verses from Ephesians 1. (That's where it was open to, so I had assumed that's where he was planning to read from.) After a few verses he said, "Actually Mom, I was going to read something from Luke." "Oh," I replied. "What were you looking for in Luke?" "I don't know," he said. He quickly found the book of Luke and began randomly paging through. "I'm going to start here," he said and just pointed to the top of the page. It just 'happened' to be the story of Jesus when he was 12, in the Temple. Great food for thought for him - Jesus as a boy - AND (bonus for me) I was sure to point out to him that it said Jesus went home and was obedient to his parents!! Seriously though, how 'random' is it that he would just pick THAT story to read; I think the Spirit was stirring in his heart and directing him, even though it seems to fit the classic "don't" of 'Ways to Read Your Bible" - the 'ol "Open & Point". I think when you're 7, God will use any method to speak to you! Oh, wait, I guess maybe you don't even have to be 7 for that...

Looking forward to conversation continuing tomorrow about how God can speak to & through us, as demonstrated by the story tonight, no matter what our age.

groovin'

Today, I figured since "Dance Dance Revolution" was going so well, I'd try my kids instructional DVD's called "Groovin' With the Groovaloo's". It breaks down and teaches hip-hop dance moves. Let's just suffice it to say, I'm apparently not hip enough to hop. Bryce tried it with me for a while but lost interest; Kate however hung out for quite a while, encouraging me with things like "Great Mom...now all you need is a little green dress and you'd look like an Irish dancer!" (Not exactly what you're going for when you're trying to do hip-hop.) After laughing hysterically she said thoughtfully, "So....who do you NOT want to know about this?? Dad?" I said I didn't care who she told (after all, there's no video - which she tried to tell me later that she had secretly video taped me! Thankfully, I called her bluff and there truly is NOT any incriminating evidence.) She said that, in that case, she planned to tell everyone...but then she determined if she did so she would be so embarrassed she'd have to wear a bag over her head for the rest of her life. So I guess this little catastrophe will remain between me, Kate & Bryce...and, oh yeah, whoever from the blogosphere happens to stumble upon this post.

the tale of the purse and the dress

OK, hopefully you're not reading these posts from top to bottom, but rather oldest to newest, but anyway, if you need more background on my emotional weekend, read the post below. That was Saturday morning/afternoon. My story picks up here, at Saturday night. In an effort to keep our sanity, and facilitate keeping some semblance of romance alive in our marriages, my sister and I have decided to try swapping babysitting to make 'date nights' for each other. We got to go first on Saturday night (and then I have Tuesday night so she and her hubby can celebrate his b-day). (On a side note, this whole babysitting thing has potential to be really great, or really disastrous...there are 8 kids all together - her 4 and my 4 - ranging in age from 2 months to 11 years. That's the potentially disastrous part; the part that works really well is that most of them we had in 'pairs' - my 3 boys match up in age with 3 of her girls; my oldest and her youngest don't have a corresponding age, but the 11 year old is more than happy to pair off with the 2 month old and everyone gets a 'buddy'!! Bets & Joe said they actually had a somewhat relaxing evening - they were playing Settlers at the table by themselves when we came in - because everyone was off playing nicely!)

Anyway, that was all an aside. The main part of the story is this: Todd & I headed out to hit the mall first; I wanted to try on dresses while he was with me to 'approve' (or not) for an upcoming wedding that we are officiating together. I found 3 that we agreed on, but I wanted to run them by the bride (who is a close friend) and also my sister to see which they thought was best. I asked the sales clerk if I could return whichever I didn't choose and she said yes. I had found 2 first, purchased them, and while I was waiting for Todd to look at some stuff, I found 3rd one. I quickly went to try it on, hanging the 2 I had already purchased, which were on hangers covered by a garment bag, in the dressing room. I liked the 3rd one as well, so went to purchase it, but had to go to a different register as I couldn't find the original clerk. After that we headed out of the mall. When I laid the bags on the back seat, I noticed the one was untied at the bottom; I commented about it being untied and Todd said he didn't think the girl had tied it at all; I thought she had but figured it maybe came untied. Anyway, not giving it a second thought, we headed off to dinner at Applebees (gotta love those gift cards you can earn off the credit card we use!!) and then to Starbucks for my favorite White Chocolate Mochas espresso before heading home. As we arrived home a little after 10, I went to grab my purse as we got out of the car, and found, much to my dismay, I had left it at Starbucks, about a half an hour away!! I ran in the house, assuring my highly-stressed husband (he's already thinking of having to make calls to cancel credit cards, etc.) that I'd just call them and they'd hang onto it for me. I found the number online, called and described the purse to them, and sure enough, it was right where I left it. They said they'd keep it for me and I said I'd pick it up in the morning.

That crisis averted, I was quite excited to show my sis the dresses I had found. As I pulled up the garment bag my stomach sank to see an empty hanger and one of the dresses missing. We frantically looked around the car and the house to see if it had fallen on the way in, but to no avail. The mall was obviously closed, so there was nothing I could do til the next day. Sunday morning at 11 when the store opened, I was there waiting. (A benefit of church meeting in the evening...) I explained the whole situation to the sales clerk (different that the clerk the night before) and told here I had found the same dress in the size I had bought back on the rack, (although I didn't know if there was another one there the night before or not). She looked at my receipt, but when she put the #'s in the register it showed that they still had one in stock, so she informed me that, while the computer might be wrong...she wasn't sure it always updated correctly...she could not let me have the dress or give me my money back; there was no way to prove anything. She was very kind and sympathetic, but unfortunately, kind and sympathetic doesn't change me being out 60 bucks, and having no dress. She told me they'd talk to the girl working that night and see if she remembered finding the dress in the fitting room, and they took my name and # and said they'd call me if anything turned up. It makes me feel ill even just re-capping all this. I'd appreciate any prayers for this whole mess getting straightened out.

On a really positive note, by dear husband has been very understanding with it all, and even told me to just buy the other dress, the last one in my size, so I'd at least have it for the wedding (of course, it had to be my favorite out of the 3!) He said, if we just have to 'take the hit' we will. All this on the tail end of him saying the day before that we really have to buckle down and call a spending freeze on anything that's not an ABSOLUTE necessity (which he was already making an allowance for the dress as a necessity for the wedding...). Aaarrrgghhhhhh....

If I believed in luck, which I don't, I'd sure think I was having a string of some bad stuff!!!

1 year ago...

This post is really difficult to write, and I've already written and deleted a lot. But I find blogging helps me process and release things that are churning in me, and so I really wanted to write about this. I've actually wanted to post for a couple days, but between time (or lack of), emotions, and the rather random frustrating events of this weekend has prevented me from doing so up til now.

Today is the 1 year anniversary of when my dad died. This weekend, well, mainly Saturday, was pretty rough. Every year on the last Saturday in August my dad would spend the day showing his antique tractor at a fair/tractor show at Vincent Mennonite Church. Last year he had spent the day at the tractor show, (tractor shows was one of my dad's favorite pastimes)and then later that evening he passed away.

When he died, his antique tractor was passed on to the oldest grandson, my nephew, Jordan. Jordan and his mom and dad decided they wanted to keep Pappy's tradition going, so they entered the tractor in the show again this year. We all (the entire family) went to the show, me mostly to support my mom. She had said she felt like she needed to go - mostly felt like she had to make herself do it, and hopefully it would help bring some closure to the past year. So we all - me, my 2 sisters and their husbands, and all 11 grandkids went to the show and tractor parade. I was OK until they actually started the tractors to line them up for the parade. I don't know if it was the 'put-put' sound of the old tractors, the smell, or seeing all the little ones on the tractors with grandkids in their laps, but I lost it. (Like completely...and I really hate sobbing in public). I hid it as much as I could by biting my lip and keeping my shades on; I was doing pretty good (no sobbing yet) until my sister turned around and said "The smell..." I knew exactly what she was experiencing; all I could say was "I know." It wasn't a bad experience, just a hard one. I really thought I would go through this weekend rather unaffected, but I was wrong. In some ways it's hard to believe it's a year, in others it seems like this has been the longest year of my life. I often think that when Daddy first died the hardest part was the shock, but now, the ache seems to be more acute...the longer it goes the more I miss him. I wonder if the ache will ease with time; I hope so.

Here's some pics we got of Pappy's tractor on Sat. The yellow shirts we are all wearing were given to us by the fire dept that my dad was part of. They had them printed up right after he died, and on the arm it says "In Memory of Bucky". The man in the one pic w/me & my mom and sisters is my Uncle Dave; he was my dad's 'tractor buddy'.

(If you'd like to see the pics closer/larger, just click on the picture and it will re-load much larger).

the bonsai tree

The past few weeks have been somewhat of a roller coaster ride for us. There's lots being stirred in our life - personally, and as a fellowship. We have gone through a process in the past 2 years that Koinonia House has been a church that has refined our vision, and God has made more clear where we are going, and what He is calling us to. Doesn't that sound wonderful?? Actually, it's really hard...I feel like a bonsai tree...I feel all little and vulnerable, and God is cutting back parts of me and our church, all in an effort to accomplish a purpose - make a beautiful, living thing grow in a certain direction. Not every branch can stay; some things in our life must go. Things that aren't necessarily bad, they just don't allow the fullest amount of nutrients to go to the right places. So God removes them. Sometimes the removal is very sad or painful, even though I know it's for the best. I'm chuckling at my own analogy as I sit here picturing Father God as Mr. Miyagi (I know, I'm dating myself here, but those of you who are old enough to remember the Karate Kid will appreciate the parallel). I have to trust Him in his infinite wisdom and do what he says, even when I can't always see the 'whys' of the sometimes unconventional things he asks me to do. (Remember "wax on, wax off"?)

hungry for books

I need more time to read. I'm very ambitious and want to learn more about a few key things, and also just read for enjoyment (which rarely happens). I'm almost done Blue Like Jazz, but haven't even started 'Covenant Child' like I planned on. But vacation is coming in a few weeks and I plan on doing a LOT of reading. (Unfortunately, probably not much blogging unless we go to a restaurant with WiFi, cuz our vacation place doesn't have internet. But I know there's a McDonalds a few blocks away that does...maybe I'll steall some time every few days...) I ordered a bunch of new books from Amazon...if anyone's interested in reading along or discussing any of those, here's the list of what I'm awaiting...let me know if there's any 'book club' interest and I'll start with whatever. I ordered 'Red Moon Rising', 'God on Mute - Engaging the Silence of Unanswered Prayer', 'The Blogging Church' and '24/7 - A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Holy Space in the Real World'. After all that I'm interested in getting my hands on 'Velvet Elvis' by Rob Bell and 'Searching for God Knows What' by Donald Miller. I wish I had more time to read...

not a citizen of this world

I copied the following post from someone's blog on Xanga (with permission). I personally tend to avoid politics - they mostly don't interest me, and I find them frustrating and frankly, mostly a waste of time, but could never really put my finger on the crux of why I felt that way. When I came across this post, I found it very insightful. I especially resonate with the fact that we, as Christians, must maintain our Kingdom citizenship first and foremost, above and beyond our citizenship of this world. I want to focus on not just 'controlling' sin, but offering freedom from it. I don't know if this will alienate any of my readers, but I must say, I found this post very articulate.

Should Christians Indulge In Dirty Politics?

Sure it's funny, but should Christians be involved in the petty mud slinging of American politics?

I swiped the political cartoons from different weblogs. One from a Christian's site, and one from a site where the owner has different beliefs. Can you guess which one came from the Christian's site? Please don't get me wrong I'm not saying that being a Christian means you have to be from one party or the other. For the record I've been a Democrat, then a Republican, and now I'm registered Independent.

I left the Republican party for two reasons. First conservative Christians have gone to far "up the Republican Party" if you follow my drift. During Bush's last campaign Pat Robertson said something along the lines of, "Even if George Bush does something wrong God wouldn't do anything about it." It's been a while since I read what he said, but that's the gist of it. That kind of thinking makes my blood run backwards! The Republican Party is not an expression of God's righteousness in America. God is not a Republican, and Conservative Christians who've got in bed with the Republican Party are not helping the cause of Christ. They are putting forth their own "Family values" agenda. Unfortunately, for Conservative Christians the party of choice isn't going to get them what they want. The Religious Right has blithely gone along hand in hand with the Republican Party without realizing they're being danced around by the Devil himself. And if you're thinking I lean more toward the Democratic Party you'd be dead wrong.

The two main planks near and dear to the Religious Right are abortion, and gay rights. The problem, for Religious Righters, is the heart and power of the Republican Party are typified by Rudy Giuliani and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Both leaders are pro-choice, and gay affirming. The Republican Party has hidden it's true stripes very well, and those "Family Values" planks in the Republican party? Those planks are the ones the GOP has put in the eyes of the Religious Right, to blind them to the truth.

And you can't blame the Republican Party. They are what they are. If Christians had been paying attention to something other than their own shallow agenda they would not have been blinded. And yes the Religious Rights's agenda is a shallow, pointless agenda. Are they wrong about abortion and homosexuality being sins? No, they are not wrong, but the way they're going about dealing with those issues is wrong.

Let's say for the sake of argument that the Religious Right got everything they wanted. Let's say that homosexuals, and abortion were shoved back in the closet. What would happen then? Would laws and Constitutional amendments stop gay people from being gay, and would abortions stop? You see Conservative Christians don't have any plan for how to reach and help gay people or abortion people. So the point is not to reach "sinners", but rather to control them. Jesus didn't come to control sin, but to do away with it. The agenda of the Religious Right is like trying to treat a brain tumor with aspirin. You can't cure the problem by merely treating the symptoms.

No amount of political power is going to accomplish God's ends. And Christians are called to do things differently. This nation is becoming more and more polarized every year. And Christians have a responsibility to be above the ugly mud slinging, character assassination, and partisanship the world indulges itself in. While we have a responsibility to be involved in politics, we also have a responsibility to remember we are citizens first and foremost of a kingdom not of this world.

Evil will prevail as long as good people continue to confront the problem with what amounts to merely cosmetic changes. Real change can be achieved though the work of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit only works with us when we choose to do things God's way, according to His plan and purposes.

That's my 2 cents,

Lonnie

Sethy turns five

Saturday was Seth's fifth birthday...the Spiderman party made him very happy, and he's spent all day today running around as Spidey, shooting disks from his Spiderman-shooter.

pastoring perks

There are some fun perks to pastoring a mostly 20-something church...like an evening of pre-marital counseling topped off with a round of "Dance-Dance Revolution". Nice.

now that's what I like to hear...

For some reason this one didn't show up the other day and got saved as a draft, but this is probably the most important quiz I took!!! :)

You Are 28 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

gotta have my white chocolate mochas

I don't think the description's accurate, but I ALWAYS order this at Starbucks!!! Crazy!

White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino

One of a kind and forward looking, you're the first to introduce a wacky new trend to your friends. And even if your ideas seem weird, they get adopted pretty quickly.

What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

birth order predicter quiz

I know...I have too much time on my hands (I really don't, I'm just ignoring the laundry I'm supposed to be doing!!!)

You Are Likely a First Born

At your darkest moments, you feel guilty. At work and school, you do best when you're researching. When you love someone, you tend to agree with them often. In friendship, you are considerate and compromising. Your ideal careers are: business, research, counseling, promotion, and speaking. You will leave your mark on the world with discoveries, new information, and teaching people to dream.

The Birth Order Predictor

is my latte true?

I don't know if this is accurate or not...I'd say some of it is... do you think this describes me??? Both my dessert and my latte say I'm decadent... ooohh, la, la!!

What Your Latte Says About You

You are very decadent in all aspects of your life. You never scale back, and you always live large. You can be quite silly at times, but you know when to buckle down and be serious. Intense and energetic, you aren't completely happy unless you are bouncing off the walls. You're addicted to caffeine. There's no denying it. You are responsible, mature, and truly an adult. You're occasionally playful, but you find it hard to be carefree. You are expressive and friendly, but you are never pushy.

What Does Your Latte Say About You?

I am a brownie

I had a little bit of time today (it's going to be a field trip day in the afternoon, so didn't do school this morning) so I was having some fun with some online quizzes. Here's my results for "What Dessert Are You?". This is funny because brownies are the one dessert I make ALL the time!!

You Are a Brownie

Decadent and intense, you aren't for the weakhearted. Those who can deal with your strong flavor find out how sweet you really are.

What Dessert Are You Most Like?

button blankie

Seth is turning 5 this Saturday. He started kindergarten this week. He's hot on the trail of catching his big brother in height, and he's got a good arm when it comes to football. The picture to the left is Seth's 'button-blankie'. When Seth was a baby he LOVED to feel buttons. If two people offered to hold him, he would check first to see if one of them had buttons, and that's who he would choose to go to. Sometimes he would choose someone over me, simply on the basis of buttons alone. He would just play with the button, touching it, rolling it between his fingers, whatever. And he would get very relaxed. So Nanny (my mom) had the idea to make him this button blankie one year for Christmas. She took random sized and shaped buttons, with different textures and sewed them onto this small piece of cloth. Seth loved it. He still sleeps with it. Yesterday he brought it to me to fix because one of the buttons came off. It got me thinking back to when he was a baby, and how quickly he's grown into this 'big boy' that started school on Monday!! Seth has always been my most 'lovey' kid...he's a snuggler to this day. (I think I'm gonna have to keep an eye on this one when he hits his teens!!) I'm glad for these reflective moments that remind me to enjoy 'em while I've got 'em cuz they won't be here forever!

back to school

I had decided to get a good jump on school this year and actually started 2 days ago. Yes, I realize that it is crazy early, but I had bored kids who weren't really doing anything, we have a week vacation planned in September, and lots of other stuff that will keep our schedule crazy busy this fall, so I want to get some days in where I can. The first 2 days went really well, all except for me... I'm finding it impossible to get up in the morning!!! So I'm gonna have to start getting really disciplined - not an easy task for me. I also wanted to stay somewhat laid back the first few weeks here since we're starting so early....so today we're taking off, mainly so I can catch up on some things I need to get done around here. Flexibility is one of the things I love about homeschooling! But I'm feeling good that between field trip time during July and starting early we've got a good 5-7 days in already! And we've established the new daily routine, so I feel good about the days over the next couple weeks that I'll be able to rack up - it will help ease my stress of knowing I'll have to take a few days in the fall/winter to help all our friends with their moving, weddings, etc.

This year to help with the fact that I'm being needed by 3 students plus a toddler, I set up a schedule - an order which they need to do their schoolwork in, so that the stuff they can work on themselves (like Handwriting, practicing spelling words, etc.) will be spread out to allow me to work with each one individually. I also set up a 'Learning Station' with all educational activity options so that if they hit a point where they can't go on without me, they may stop what they're working on and feel free to go do anything within the Learning Center options. I also made a list of "Fitness Fun" activities (physical play stuff) that I told them was a 'required' part of school this year...it was so fun to tell Bryce 'sternly' that he HAD to skateboard, play basketball, football or the like as part of his schoolday...needless to say, he was thrilled. Some of the options in the learning center include Tangoes, labeled rock samples that they can take outside and see if they can find some around the yard, an array of flashcards, word tiles (individual tiles with a word on them that they can put together to make silly sentences), books on dinosaurs, Explorabooks, I Wonder Why books and a whole wealth of other stuff like that. They really like that new element of school this year. We also are all getting up at the same time (OK, OK - attempting to - they're doing much better than me), starting by 9 am and finishing (the younger guys anyway) by about 1:00, including about a half an hour 'snack break'. Kate's finishing a little bit later, but she's also taken pretty much 'learning center' time the past 2 days. (There's a magnifying glass in the center which she's been taking out in the drive way and burning things - leaves, sticks - she even tried to burn an ant!! For being such a girly-girl, who knew she had deep-seated pyro tendencies?!?!?) Luke's been somewhat of a challenge, but is fairly content, for a while anyway, to sit at the table with some paper, coloring books, magnet activity board and crayons; he does keep interrupting whoever I'm teaching to say "Lukey doing school!!".

All in all, I think this will be a good year.

gettin' out of the ditch

I don't want to be a friend in the ditch. Let me explain...Many times in my life, both in the past, and currently, I've struggled (and still struggle) in many ways. When I get in those 'funks' what I really want to do is sit down, wallow & quit. But I don't want that for those around me. I have a passion that burns to see other people press on and not give up, so how can I? It would render me completely useless as a friend to them! You see, you can commiserate with someone, but unless you have personally pressed through something, made it to the 'other side', experienced victory you really can't help them. If I'm in a ditch, and can't get out, I can't pull anyone else out either. But, if I at least have one foot out, then I'm suddenly much more useful to them. I may only be months, days, maybe even hours ahead, but if I'm moving, I can encourage someone else. The minute I stop moving is the minute I am of no use in encouraging, challenging, walking with others. I can't walk WITH someone if I'm not walking.

Let me clarify - I am not talking about being 'real'. I champion 'transparency' - it's only through others being willing to bare their souls and share their guts with me that I've made it through some of the worst times of my life. BUT...if those that shared with me had not made it through, had not had hope to offer me...if the best they could do was commiserate, share my sorrow, and be willing to wallow with me (throw me the proverbial 'pity party') they would not have helped me one iota.

I get the impression sometimes that people think that Christians who believe that they can experience victory, healing and growth aren't real. On occasion, when I've spoken of God bringing healing to my hurts, transformation to my life, my marriage, whatever, I get written off as one of those 'prosperity' Christians or something. While I can see that this COULD be true of some, I would say that that flavor of 'fake Christianity' also tend to not share the fact that they struggle at all (or at least not until it's all dealt with), or they simply focus on telling others how good God is and put off an air that everything in their life is peaches and cream.

This is one (of the many) reasons why community is so important. We all need a place to have real relationship where you let others in, not ONLY to see the good, the bad, and the ugly, but where you can see others pull through, see them PROGRESS on the Journey, see God's transforming power, in all IT'S 'realness'! Of course, if we never allow anyone in, if we keep things on the surface - not only with other Christians, but with unbelievers as well - we perpetuate the facade, the fake-ness that conveys to people that the church is filled with hypocrites.

A prime example of this is a precious friend of mine who went through an extremely traumatic period last year. The journey back was a long and grueling struggle. As she walked this hard road, she was very open about her struggles, especially with people she worked with. As God graciously, tenderly and miraculously brought her through this time, the unbelievers around her watched the transformation. There was no refuting the change that came about it her. It would have done no good for her to hide her trials, other than maybe 'saving face' for herself. But now the testimony of her life is irrefutable to those who have watched her grow and change. She's a different person, and no one could deny that. One of my favorite things that she says when we talk about how wonderful it's been that she's been able to walk out this journey for those people to see is "Oh yeah, I have no skeletons in the closet. They regularly come out and have tea."

Here's to being real, and still pressing on.

MY American Girl doll

Here's Kate in her colonial garb (I had hoped to get some more/better pics, but we were a little bit rushed) at an event she participated in at the Historic White Horse Inn (Berks County, PA) today. The other woman in the picture is my Aunt Peggy (Kaitlyn's great-aunt) who is very involved in historical things all around the area, and has really encouraged Kate in getting involved.

My 'doll' loves anything colonial, but even she wasn't thrilled to be quite so authentically dressed in today's heat! I'm thinking I would love to take her to Williamsburg around Christmas time...that's something that would take a bit of finagling, but...maybe she'd like that AS her Christmas gift... I know she'd absolutely be in heaven!

new blog

For anyone interested, one of my blogger friends, Zoanna and I wanted to read the book "Blue Like Jazz" together and discuss it, so I've set up a new blog that is dedicated to that discussion and future books or other types of 'philosophical' or 'theological' discussions as they may come up. The name of it is "Reasoning Together" and the address is www.reasoningtogether.blogspot.com.

birthing

Tonight I've been pondering the pleasure and the pain that is church planting. It occurred to me that it's very much like having a baby. At first, before you get pregnant, you want to so bad you can almost taste it. You know you'll be a wonderful parent, and you'll do everything right (after all, you've had all this experience watching others do the job and critiquing, and thinking of every single thing you'd do differently). You know it's just a matter of time, and occasionally you get annoyed with God for not operating on your schedule, but can (usually) reign yourself in. Finally, the moment arrives that you find out it's going to happen - you're going to have a church....er, um,...baby of your own. You come up with a name and grand plans for an adorable nursery. The perfect place to spend countless hours nurturing your little one. You do everything 'by the book'; you go to every class on childbirth and infant care. Occasionally, upon hearing the 'horror' stories of those who've gone before (which they now tell with a grin and a twinkle in their eye) there is this twinge of doubt...a certain feeling of having crossed a 'point of no return'. But you choose to focus instead on all the encouraging things people say about how wonderful it is that you are planting...I mean, expecting. How cute you look, how exciting it all is.

And then, one day, you start having these pains. They start out as minor; they catch you off-guard a little bit, maybe quickens your breath a bit, but really, you just feel excited. You happily talk about how this might be 'it'! You smile, and start checking the time and maybe even start making a few calls to let people know... "I think this is it!" And then...

Then those minor irritations start becoming BIG pain. They seem to come faster than you expect, then faster than you think you can handle. Suddenly you aren't smiling, and you don't really want to talk to anyone anymore. You are all too aware that, yes, this is IT, and you think "OH CRAP!!!!" because you realize you really have to do this. You are committed in every way. There's no turning back, there's no where to go, there's no getting out of this. It's already been set in motion. Sometimes the process is quick, but often, at least with your first, it can be long and grueling. (I remember begging for medication - anything that would stop the pain - but it didn't work. I cried, and said that I KNEW I could NOT do this!!! People assured me I could - but they were not experiencing what I was!! They may have in the past, but they were not at this moment!! I was sure they had forgotten what it was really like).

Then, there it is. Your very own baby. It's beautiful - but it's wrinkly and messy and crying - but you wouldn't trade it for the world. You are overcome with emotions of love. Then, they send you home.

After a period of people coming, bringing gifts and congratulating you, you are suddenly left alone. Alone with this baby that needs LOTS of love, attention and care. It cries - sometimes seemingly all the time, and it pees and poops on you. It gets you up at ungodly hours of the night, and you are exhausted. The lovely nursery you planned to spend countless hours rocking, singing, changing and bathing your baby in is traded in for the reality of falling asleep nursing on the couch, changing diapers on the floor - simply because it's just easier, and sometimes a baby-wipe-washing just has to make-do because you don't have the time or energy to do the whole bath thing. Welcome to the harsh reality called pastoring...oops, sorry,... I mean, parenthood.

12 years of pregnancy/parenting has taught me it's hard; it makes you cry; you absolutely can't quit (and there are some times you want to); it's uncomfortable, sometimes even painful. You have to make hard choices, and you have to make sacrifices. Sometimes you have to make someone unhappy with you, but you know it's really for their own good (and that one really stinks). But through it all, deep down inside (some days it's REALLLLLY DEEEEP down) you would never change it. Sure, you might wish it weren't so hard, that things came easily and quickly, but you would NEVER change your choice to have this precious child.

I'm only 2 years into church planting. I don't think I've even really hit the parenting stage full-on yet. I've experienced some aspects, but mostly I think I'm at the really painful, realizing there's-no-way-out-of-this stage. I'm begging for relief, but the only option is to keep pushing. I am beginning to understand the gleam in the eye of church planters who have gone before. I'm also experiencing the overwhelming love for what I see emerging.

I've known God's grace as a parent; I am praying for the same grace as a planter.

sleepin' like a baby

Exciting night...made a trip to Target and got not only a new mattress pad, but also a new pillow and alarm clock too!! (If you remember my post from a while back, I believe all 3 of those things were on my list!) I checked out the feather pillows, but they really weren't what I remembered my childhood pillow being (which was very full & dense...these seemed to squish flat really fast) so I went with the 'very firm for side-sleepers'. We were in the bedding aisle getting the mattress pad, which is the 'coolmax' for my husband who always has a problem with roasting in bed (this pad's claim to fame is 80% cotton, 20% coolmax cover - "breathable COOLMAX fabric keeps you cool and wicks away moisture") when I very demurely asked if I could also get a new pillow (and admittedly batted my eyelashes a bit). Not sure he picked up on the eyelashes, but he did say "yeah" right away. I said "Oh, I love you," to which he responded "What, am I not seeing the price or something??" But no, I was just excited; I think it actually only cost a whopping $9.99.

We also got a new alarm clock to replace the 15-year old cassette player one we were using - I think because the only radio station that came in clearly that you were sure would be there to wake you when it was supposed to was country music, and we were both sick of waking up to that every morning. I think now we'll be hearing some David Crowder, or maybe even Kutless, to greet the morn.

the boys of summer

I really do LOVE having boys. Don't misunderstand...I'd be truly lost without my girly-girl to do all the fun girly stuff with...hair, nails, tea parties, etc... but boys are really fun and completely fascinating to me. Growing up with only sisters and mostly girl cousins, boys are somewhat like a foreign creature to me, but aren't they stinkin' adorable?!?!







(The football player in the dress is my niece, Lily. She's four and she's fearless; let's just say she LOVES to be where the action is. She may be the closest thing my sister (who now has 4 beautiful daughters) gets to seeing 'rough and tumble').

daughter, princess, warrior

This is a picture I found and used as a visual aid for our Women's Group yesterday. It fit perfectly with what we talked about. For some reason it has really stirred me...I love this image.

new reads

Two new books I'm starting:

baptism picnic

Saturday was a joyful day as the Koinonia House family did our first baptisms.


I, of course, was tearful as my oldest son was one of those getting baptized, as well as my precious niece.

The third person was an awesome guy that goes to our church named Stephen, who I am happy to have as a role model for my sons. It's been a such blessing to watch Stephen's growing hunger for God, desire for accountability and willingness to be real, and increasing boldness in his faith. (He's also a great drummer). As a mom, it touches my heart to see how he takes time to relate to my boys, not only playing with them, but talking with them. We are blessed to have Stephen as part of the KH family.

Here's some more pics from the picnic: worship and gathering around for the baptisms and praying over the kids.

re-entry

It's been a whirlwind for me ever since last Thursday. I've pretty much been going constantly...literally. I went from one thing to the next, only stopping to grab some sleep in between. Now I'm done, and have some time to process. Since I'm an 'outward' processor, I think I'll probably have several posts forthcoming over the next few days.

By way of update all the way from a week ago... The corn freezing couldn't have gone any better. We had all the kids (well, except Eva, who is only 2 months old) help with the husking (that would be 7 kids ages 2-11); then we put the 5 younger ones down for naps, and they all went right to sleep, and didn't wake until we were all done! For anyone who is unfamiliar with the process, after husking we cooked all the corn, cut it off the cobs, and spooned it into freezer bags. It's a very messy process, but, in my opinion, worth it. We ended up with about 20 quart bags. Won't be enough for a whole year, but it will take us through a good portion of it. And I LOVE home-frozen corn so much better than corn you buy already frozen at the grocery store. It tastes just like fresh corn-on-the-cob. Mmmm... I haven't frozen corn at all the past few years, so it will be special again to have that taste, say, about November. Now I look forward to doing applesauce in the fall. Hopefully by then my sister will be all moved in to her newly-built house (that they've waited 8 years for...YEAH!!) and we can do all the fun, messy stuff in her SPACIOUS kitchen!

Jessi the Steam Roller

I find myself exasperating. Really, I think I exasperate others too...well, at least I know I do my husband and my kids. It seems I cannot find a happy medium between being 'driven' and what I feel like is being 'lazy'. I seem to either be full-on one way or the other. I've been getting ready to start school again, and my kids are screaming "NO!! Not yet!!!" (well, all except for Seth, who is super-excited to be starting kindergarten). This is my problem, not only in regards to school, but church, my house, everything... when I get an idea, I want to do it NOW!!! When I'm excited I tend to be like a steam-roller - full speed ahead!! So I'm trying to pace myself, get things done a little bit at a time and learn to be more... I don't know what word I'm looking for... temperate? even-keel? I guess I need to remind myself that it's "slow and steady" that wins the race...and "full-speed ahead" usually leads to "crash and burnout". Right....