out of control

Things have been going well at church in the sense of seeing people growing and changing and really pressing in to God. We have tied in with the 40-day fast leading up to 'The Call - Nashville' (even though we aren't able to be at The Call), we felt this was important and have challenged our church with the fast; most are participating in some way, many doing some type of a 'Daniel Fast' - eating mainly fruits, vegetables, nuts and whole grains only. It's so cool to see people putting themselves and their own desires aside to really seek God. (And it's not easy either, I know; I'd almost kill for some pizza and ice cream at this point! LOL 16 days down, 24 to go...) We are also praying, as a congregation, for God to use this extended period to really break some addictions in our personal lives, such as food, TV, and other things that generally we just accept, even though they are not things that are good or life-giving. This, and the prospects of some upcoming changes in a variety of areas makes me very excited about what God is doing.
At the same time, I'm also battling fear and anxiety over things that are possibilities, but not known realities. Things that are nebulous, un-'fixable' (I hate things that I can't fix!) - like "did we offend those people?", "will the owner of the building consider our proposal to work with us at a VERY reduced rent price while we are still fundraising?", "will we be able to scrape together enough money for a much-needed family vacation?", "is our friends' marriage OK?" All things I must be diligent to do what I can, yet not able to really be in control of the outcome.

Trust has always been a tough one for me. You'd think after all God has brought us through, I'd be better at it by now...apparently not. If so, I wouldn't have been laying in bed last night unable to sleep as all the scenarios played through my mind. Arrrgh... I once heard that one definition of a Hebrew word for trust is 'lying helplessly, face down'. Today I am trying desperately to posture myself that way, not spinning off, running ahead...at this point I'm trying to not even flinch...just quiet my spirit and wait on the Lord. If there's something I can do, something I need to do He'll have to tell me. Otherwise I'm at a loss. And so I wait...